All the News That's Unfit to Print: 2/1/14

Glenn Greenwald is a porn-spy. [Techdirt]

Paz de la Huerta can't keep her clothes on. [Daily Mail]

You're a dickhead. [ZXN MXF IV]

Can't stop shopping. [This Isn't Happiness]

She cares not a turd. [Maud Newton]

"Bigger the hoop, bigger the hoe." [Khloe Kardashian]

Derek Jeter's girl. [Sports Illustrated]

Pocket porn. [NBC News]

"The breast is on television for 9/16 of a second." [ESPN]

Riley Steele skinny-dipping with piranhas. [Flabber]

Miss Piggy is a whore. [Glasstire]

Mr. Grey will see you now. [US Magazine]

David Scissorhands does Jenna Jameson. [davidscissorhands]

Rollergirl is back. [Fashion Copious]

"Officers discovered that the machines were good at detecting just about everything besides cleverly hidden explosives and guns." [Politico Magazine]

Who will be crowned Mr. Florida? [Bradenton Herald]

The 62-year-old lingerie model. [Salon]

A French woman explains nudity. [Garance Dore]

ICYMI: Confessions of a wall street gambling addict. [Forbes]

Guess who's coming to dinner. [deviantART]