Madness
Here's the latest installment of my anti-Trump Twitter protest in which I pair images of President Orange with literary quotes and quotes from famous dictators.
Big Brother Is Watching You
Mr. Behavioral Sink
Amazing video featuring John B. Calhoun's rodent universes!
"The conclusions drawn from this experiment were that when all available space is taken and all social roles filled, competition and the stresses experienced by the individuals will result in a total breakdown in complex social behaviors, ultimately resulting in the demise of the population." -- Wikipedia
It's like a primer for our Trumpian times ...
At the Beach
Gone Solitary
There's a really amazing story in the New Yorker about how Albert Woodfox survived solitary confinement:
"Woodfox often woke up gasping. He felt that the walls of the cell were squeezing him to death, a sensation that he began to experience the day after his mother’s funeral, in 1994. He had planned to go to the burial—prisoners at Angola are permitted to attend the funerals of immediate family—but at the last minute his request was denied. For three years, he slept sitting up, because he felt less panicked when he was vertical. 'It takes so much out of you just to try to make these walls, you know, go back to the normal place they belong,' he told a psychologist. 'Someday I’m not going to be able to deal with it. I’m not going to be able to pull those walls apart.'" --
Relatedly, if you haven't read Shane Bauer's expose of life as a prison guard, do.
Follow Me on Twitter (for Fun)
Buy Me Now
It's never not a great time to get your own copy of THE TUMOR.
It's a short story I self-published.
It's full of: gore, horror, and fun!
Why You Should Volunteer If You're a Freelancer
I started volunteering at Planned Parenthood about nine months ago. My role is to escort clients into the clinic on days when they're doing abortion procedures. I ended up volunteering because I was driving by the clinic and saw the protestors out front. It made me upset. I thought instead of being upset, it would be more productive if I did something, so now I volunteer.
I'm a freelance journalist, and the volunteering has been a great thing for me. You should try it.
It gives you a routine. One thing about freelancing is that, most of the time, every day is different. This is good for originality, but it's less good for establishing a set routine. The volunteering I do is a set routine. It requires a minimal time commitment from me, and it rarely deviates from it.
It's good to give freely. In some ways, freelancing is like choosing a career path that requires you to constantly negotiate your worth. You're negotiating for fees, extracting payment, building up your brand so you can demand a higher rate. Volunteering is simple: You give and expect nothing material in return. You get other things: self-esteem, empathy, humility.
It needs you now. I don't know what you might do to volunteer, but I'd suggest picking something that resonates with you emotionally. Right now, Planned Parenthood and women's reproductive rights are under attack by a giant Cheetos snack who has hijacked the Oval Office. This is a great time for you to make yourself of use before Stalinism takes over the United States of America.
Bored? Give yourself a literary shock and buy THE TUMOR, a "masterpiece of short fiction" by Susannah Breslin.
How to Write a Book Proposal, Ranked
I spent some time recently rewriting a book proposal for a narrative nonfiction book. Some parts were easy. Some parts were hard. Here are my thoughts on the easiest parts and the hardest parts, ranked.
Image via HuffPo
The Overview. This is the part of the proposal where you deliver the elevator pitch of what the book is. IMO, you can do this in one of two ways--although, of course, you could also think of yourself as blending the two. Either you can talk directly to the reader--which I think is a more masculine approach--or you can perform the act of being a writer on a stage--which I think is a more feminine approach. I actually did each one for two different-but-related iterations of this proposal. I ended up going with the former. Frankly, I think the former states its value and the latter asks the reader to state its value. In negotiating, the former is referred to as "anchoring." I found the more masculine way of doing it to be easier, but that's just me. Difficulty level: Medium. Rank: 7.
The About the Author. This is my favorite part of the proposal to do and for me the easiest. I think it's easy if you have a platform, but I suppose if you don't, it would suck. After I do this part--which I've done as anywhere from one to three pages; this time it was two pages--I tend to feel more positive about myself, like, look at all I've done! I guess if you don't have much of a platform, you could feel like you were trying to knit a sweater out of dental floss. Sucks for you. Difficulty level: Easy. Rank: 1.
The Marketing Plan. Man, are there a ton of ways to do this one. At one point, like, a year ago, I paid a young freelance editor to talk me about a different proposal for an hour, and she sent me another proposal that had sold. That author knew what was up; he'd worked in the industry. He had bullet points, and it was a plan. It wasn't some writer nattering on about things they may or may not do or may or may or not know how to do. I've worked in PR and gotten paid to make stuff go viral online, so I know how to do this stuff, and I ended up going with something pretty basic. I think, based on a lot of what I read, you want to make it clear that you get this is a hustle, and that you're a writer who can hustle, so I tried to convey that. Difficulty level: Medium-easy. Rank: 3.
The Comparative Analysis. This proposal has the best comps section I've written for any proposal. It has five books on it, and I read every one of them closely, and I thought about how mine was similar and how mine was different. In a way, my book doesn't have a lot of comps, but I think my analysis did a good job of positioning it in the market. Having access to that database that tells you what the real book sales numbers are would've been nice. Difficulty level: Medium. Rank: 4.
The Timeline. I wasn't planning on doing a timeline for this book, but along the way I saw another proposal that had sold, and that person had included a family tree, and I think that got me the idea of a timeline. Did you know there's a timeline-maker thing in word? True story. I LOVED DOING THE TIMELINE. It was SO MUCH FUN. I think I originally thought it would have like 15 things on it, but it ended up having 30. I loved that it looked really professionally laid out, and that it enabled me to combine visuals and text, and that it looks like art. If you get stuck on your proposal, make a timeline. It will make you see things clearer. Difficulty level: Medium. Rank: 2.
The Outline. I wrote another book proposal last year for a different book, and the outline for it was so easy. This time around, the outline was very challenging. It ended up being quite long, and it required me to interweave multiple stories. It was intellectually, emotionally, and structurally challenging. I think it asked me to go against how I operate, which is intuitively, and pushed me to think in a linear fashion, which I don't. I did not enjoy this experience. But I think it came out strong. There's so much interesting stuff in it. And some great writing. My hope is that it serves as an invaluable road map as I move forward. Difficulty level: Nigh impossible. Rank: 8.
The Sample Chapter. Compared to the outline, this is easy-breezy. Finally, you get to do what you do best: write! This is scenes and dialogues and humor and sly winks and action. In fact, I'd argue it's everything that a book proposal isn't. In a way, it's child's play. And that's nice. Difficulty level: Medium. Rank: 6.
Oh, and ... There's the title, the title page, and the epigraph. These things changed over time, but in the end I decided to go with the most high-impact choice that was the most simple. Difficulty level: Not bad. Rank: 5.
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#2016bestnine
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When the Writer Wanders
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In the last few years, I've undertaken some trips that revolve around writing. An investigative journalism conference in New Orleans. A storytelling conference at Yale. A month-long writing residency at the Carey Institute for Global Good. And another residency on Martha's Vineyard. There were pluses and minuses for all of them, but here are a few reflective thoughts.
Just go. I spent a fair amount of time trying to talk myself out of all these adventures. Because that's what they are: adventures. Here's what writers do too much of: think, talk themselves out of things, and sit at a desk. Whenever you're doing pretty much anything that isn't what you usually do but is in service of you, you're doing the right thing. You will concern yourself with real concerns: money, time, guilt, etc. But there are ways to manage all of these things. Once you start executing your plan, and, better yet, once you find yourself there, you will sense on some level, hopefully, that you're doing the right thing. Why it's the right thing may not be clear right away.
You take the bad. There were things I deeply didn't like at some point during these adventures. The investigative journalism conference was: not freelancer-friendly, overpopulated by FOIA nerds bragging about their data-driven discoveries, attended by a certain number of on-air news personalities including women wearing sleeveless dresses in primary colors. I felt like a dateless dipshit at the prom for much of the time. But it meant I got to spend several days doing nothing but thinking of myself as an investigative journalist. I learned a lot: about how to do those FOIAs, about how to win a Pulitzer, about how to be who I am.
You take the good. My favorite experience was the residency at the Carey Institute. It was in this amazing rural area in upstate New York, and the trees were aflame with autumn. We were the first group in the program, and it had this air of bristling excitement. I was woefully underproductive on the page--or so it seemed at the time. But that was the start of the journey that's taken me to the place I am today. And that? It feels like a good place to be.
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3 Creativity Hacks from Quentin Tarantino
To be clear: These aren't actually creativity hacks from the yammering mouth of Quentin Tarantino. They're some creativity hacks inspired by the fact that I watched "The Hateful Eight" the other night and am still not sure I liked it. I like Jennifer Jason Leigh, that's for sure.
Stay in your lane. Here's what Tarantino does well: over-the-top scenarios, uber-violence served with gore gravy, recreating old genres in new ways that make them seem fresh. He doesn't do nuance, he's not directing a Nicholas Sparks adaptation, and romance is a thing that mostly gets you dead. He's not veering from that. Ever. It enables him to be great at what he does.
Do the unspeakable. How times does someone say the n-word in "The Hateful Eight"? Sixty times, apparently. QT also has the lone female character be routinely abused: punched, knocked down, and, well, you have to see what happens in the end. Truly, no one is spared. In a way, "The Hateful Eight" is "Reservoir Dogs" with snow, but it works, when it does, because Tarantino says and shows things that others won't. Like brains exploding all over a woman's face.
Be beautiful. "Indeed when a mathematician becomes stuck and is not clear about what to do next the best advice is to do the most beautiful thing possible." Quentin is determined to bring to life two things at the same time: beauty and hideousness. In "The Hateful Eight," the 70 mm film, the Ennio Morricone score, and the crystal white winter Colorado landscape deliver a truly American tale of hate, revenge, and mayhem. It's a balance, really. Can you find the gorgeousness in your hideousness?
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My Twitter Protest
Ever since The Man I Didn't Vote For was elected, I've been protesting in the same way that most white people do: posting stuff on social media so I feel like I'm doing something but in fact I'm doing nothing. I combine famous quotes with pictures of president-elect Donald Trump. Here are a few for you to enjoy or dislike.
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Today's Writing Advice
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The Three Stages of Creation
You can create things in three easy steps. Here they are:
Consume. Last weekend, I read a 372-page book and a 35,000-word essay and watched several movies. Other ways of consuming include direct experience, ie immersing oneself in nature, hanging out with weird people, seeing a play. In this stage, you are a passive, chewing maw.
Digest. I often spend this stage eating, comatose, or spacing out. Your brain just ate a giant meal. You need to give it a break while your subconscious breaks down the food particles of information that you just consumed. This won't feel like much, but it will be everything.
Regurgitate/Expel. Now that you have taken something in and your body/brain has processed it, it has to go somewhere. This is the creation part. You can verbalize it. You can write it. You can transform it into a piece of sculpture. What comes out is what you took in, made new by you.
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How to Work on a Long Project
I've been working on a longer project these days, which is new for me, and here are some things I've learned.
Quitters never win. It really is true: The only difference between success and failure is not quitting. But that's not exactly right, is it? The fact is that on the way to success, you will quit many, many times. I've been working on this project for over four years. I have quit several times. Now, I am close to the finish line of one stage of it. I will never give up. One day I will win.
Form a team. No one person can help you on your way to your destination. It's more like a road, and there are various people along the way. One points you in the right direction. The other hands you a bottled water. Another dusts off your butt when you fall on the ground. You will only recognize your team when you look back and see them lining the path you're on, waving you to the finish line.
Keep your eyes on the payoff. One thing that's cool about working on a longer project is that you exchange the shallow payoff of immediate gratification for the deep win of long-form evolution. When you stick with something for years, it changes you, shifts your makeup, alters your brain. This is a good thing. Without this kind of protracted commitment, you're a dog whining for a bone.
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The Perfect Holiday Gift
If you're looking for something extraordinary to gift that especially extraordinary person in your life this holiday season, I'd like to recommend "The Tumor." This is an e-short story I wrote about a couple that is insane, a strange medical problem, and weird shit that happens in Florida. It's been described as a "masterpiece." The best part: You get to pay what you want.
"My original idea was that we take her out in the yard, and that I, an expert marksman, shoot her in the breast at the site to which she had pointed, thereby destroying the tumor. My wife remained silent but shook her head vigorously. Apparently she did not agree with this unorthodox approach that I felt would provide her with the most expedient remedy."
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When Memoir Hyrbrids Go Wrong
I did not like Hope Jahren's Lab Girl, and I feel slightly bad saying that. Why? Well, she seems like a nice and is a successful person. She's gotten a ton of awards and accolades, and she's a pioneer as a woman and a human in her field, which has something to do with botany. But for me, this book was a fail. First of all, the nature writing parts were a snooze. And I'm not opposed to nature writing, because this book has some of it, and I ate that book with a spoon. But this is just ... I don't know? Clinical? Disconnected? Something? Speaking of disconnected, the narrative that is supposed to be the memoir part of this memoir and science writing book doesn't work. It's like a hundred pages of workaholism. Then, wait, she's bipolar or maybe manic-depression, I'm not even clear, and then it's back to work. And then she gets pregnant, and she ends up beating her head into a wall or something, and then thankfully for her when she gets to her third trimester she gets on anti-psychotic medication, and then back to business as usual. A lot of the book is her obsessed with her lab partner named Bill who is sort of tempestuous and rude. Which is fine, but maybe if she spent more of the book explaining anything she learned about herself or her mental state issues, I would've enjoyed it more. Instead, it's like pop a pill and move on to the next thing. I don't recommend it.
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Walk This Way
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This Is Your Destiny
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Order the perfect holiday gift today! Buy THE TUMOR, a "masterpiece of short fiction" by Susannah Breslin.