When Things Fall Apart
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My latest newsletter is about “How to Flourish When the World Falls Apart.” The answer is one part constitution, one part nature, and one part lived experience.
Here’s an excerpt:
“What I’d seen in New Orleans—a city decimated, refrigerators standing in the street like tombstones, a boat marooned by the side of the road—was unlike anything I had ever seen in my life. It forced me to face what we all sense but do not want to see: That in an instant, the world as we know it can be utterly transformed, and irrevocably so.”
Read the rest here, and subscribe to my newsletter here.
About me. To hire me, read this and then email me here. Subscribe to my newsletter. Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn. Read The Hustler Diaries here.
A Portrait of the Writer in Solitary Isolation
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In April, The New York Times asked readers to submit short essays on what it was like to live alone during the coronavirus pandemic. I submitted my story, but it wasn’t chosen for publication. (You can see the stories that were chosen here.)
In any case, here’s my story:
After I got divorced in October 2017, I waited a few months, and then I started dating. Since, I've gone out on exactly 22 first dates. I know this because I kept a list. Or, more specifically, I maintained a list of what the men I went out on dates with did for a living.
Initially, my goal was to go on 21 first dates. I decided that was my magical number. I'm an introvert, so going out on first dates isn't the easiest thing for me. To get myself to go out on those dates, which I procured through the dating websites and apps to which I belonged, I made 21 first dates my goal. Surely, if I went out on that many first dates, I'd meet the love of my life. Wouldn't I?
Instead, I went out with six attorneys, three pilots, a political lobbyist, a creative director, the guy who was the prom king of the senior class at Berkeley High School when I was a sophomore, a doctor, a carpenter, an NBA recruiter, an executive at a faucet company, a guy in health marketing, an investment banker, a guy in music marketing, a racehorse trainer, a guy in the cannabis business, and a guy who creates augmented reality projects for art galleries and the entertainment business.
Ultimately, none of those first dates ever really went anywhere. I saw a few more than once, and I dated one of the pilots, who lived in Colorado but flew through Burbank, where I live, on a regular basis, but nothing had legs. I wondered if it was me, or if it was them, or if it was the fact that I was getting older. I thought maybe I was too much, or maybe I wasn't enough, or maybe it was that I'm 6'1" and that kind of narrows my options.
Then the pandemic arrived. I kept browsing the dating apps, but I let go of the fantasy that I might meet someone at such a great remove under such calamitous circumstances. Instead, I focused on other things. I started writing more. I vacuumed the floor. I created some art. I quit coloring my hair. I stopped waxing my brows. For four weeks, I shaved neither my legs nor my armpits. Left to my own devices, I was going feral.
In the bubble of my apartment, which is located in a complex that was built in the sixties and has a pale yellow stove and a baby pink tiled bathroom, I felt the way I'd wanted to feel on all those first dates with all those guys: like I was enough. When the dates stopped, the world disappeared. It was just me, alone, at last, in these rooms of my own, creating, recreating, and transforming into whoever I'll be when we reemerge.
About me. To hire me, read this and then email me here. Subscribe to my newsletter. Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn. Read The Hustler Diaries here.
The Handmaid's Tale
Recently, I finished binge watching all three seasons of “The Handmaid’s Tale.” Season 1 is genius. Season 2 is so-so. Season 3 is terrific. I highly recommend it.
About me. To hire me, read this and then email me here. Subscribe to my newsletter. Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn. Read The Hustler Diaries here.
California Cacti
Cacti, Burbank, CA | Photo credit: Susannah Breslin
The Hustler Diaries Part 7: How to Make People Click on Your Content
91 Likes, 6 Comments - Susannah Breslin (@susannahbreslin) on Instagram: "For my latest on @forbes, I interviewed artist @5uperficial, who's making $950 used panty masks to..."
Some people call it clickbait. I call it creating content that people want to read. When it comes to getting people to click on content, I am something of an expert. I’ve been hired by billion-dollar global companies to get consumers to do just that. Here’s the thing: You are trying to accomplish a single goal. What is that goal, you may ask? You are trying to get someone to move their finger. To click. That’s it. This isn’t brain surgery, folks. In any case, the secret to getting people to click is getting them to feel something. Desire. Curiosity. Fear. People click because they want to engage, and emotions are what drive engagement.
So, let’s take a look at a recent post from my Forbes blog. I wrote about an artist who is turning her used panties into COVID-19 masks. Ah, yes, you might say, thinking you know why people clicked on this post. (And click they did! 10,000 times.) Because sex sells, you say. Well, sure, maybe the used panties had something to do with it. But I published two other posts on my Forbes blog last week that were about sex, and they did half as much traffic.
Let’s parse the details:
Don’t write boring crap
Most people are boring, and because they are boring, they produce boring content. It may be harsh, but it is also true. Don’t be boring! Because so many people are boring, and producing boring content, non-boring content really stands out. A woman making COVID-19 masks out of her used panties? Not boring. But you don’t have to write about used panty COVID-19 masks to get people to click. You do have to write stuff that isn’t boring. Ben Smith wrote this jealous screed against Ronan Farrow, and people are clicking the hell out of that. Matt Taibbi is always ranting about some political thing—I don’t read him so I don’t know what, but whatever—and people click the hell out of his content. I’m trying to think of someone else who writes non-boring content, but so much content is boring that I can’t think of anyone else right now. In any case, say what you will about used panty COVID-19 masks, but they are not boring.
Make the thumbnail image be of a person, preferably with a face, and ideally with eyes
Listen, I’m not the Margaret Mead of making content clickable, but I do know that when your thumbnail image—that image they see when they’re sitting around debating whether or not to click—is of a person, preferably with a face, and ideally with eyes, people are more likely to click it. Maybe it’s because people are lonely af. Maybe it’s because content is a proxy person with which they hope to engage. Maybe it’s due to some weird law of animal attraction of which I am not aware. In any case, people are a million more times likely to click on your content if there’s a person in the image. With this post, the thumbnail image is of the artist wearing one of her masks. You see her eye. She’s looking at YOU. Click!
Be of the moment
It wasn’t actually my idea to write that story. Someone else suggested it. Frankly, I thought it was a little absurd to write about, so I dragged my feet before I finally wrote it. Here’s the funny thing about content. It’s oftentimes the stuff you care about the least that performs the best. I wonder why that is the case? I have no idea. Why did this post generate over 10,000 views in a few days? Maybe it’s Google. Maybe it’s the pandemic. Maybe it’s the masks. Maybe it’s the used panties. Maybe sometimes there are things we just don’t understand about the universe, and this is one of them. May all your content be fruitful and multiply.
About me. To hire me, read this and then email me here. Subscribe to my newsletter. Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn. Read The Hustler Diaries here.
The Sex Work Pandemic
Woman Waiting, Las Vegas, NV | Photo credit: Susannah Breslin
For my latest newsletter, I wrote about the sex work pandemic. I spent the week interviewing sex workers, and I learned the landscape is teetering on the verge of an apocalypse, due to the coronavirus crisis.
Here’s an excerpt:
“The first time I ever visited a peep show was in San Francisco. I went to The Lusty Lady by myself. Before I stepped into the booth, the guy working there told me to wait. Then he grabbed a mop and mopped the floor and the walls. Then I stepped inside.”
Read the rest here. Subscribe here.
About me. To hire me, read this and then email me here. Subscribe to my newsletter. Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn. Read The Hustler Diaries here.
Anonymous Was a Sex Worker
City Lights, New York, NY | Photo credit: Susannah Breslin
For my Forbes blog, I interviewed a sex worker about how the COVID-19 pandemic has changed sex work. A veteran escort, she spoke candidly about the emotional and economic hardships faced by her and others, why sex work matters and what we lose when we lose sex workers, and the sisterhood of sex workers.
An excerpt from “A Sex Worker Reveals How the COVID-19 Pandemic Has Changed Sex Work”:
“[Sex work is] a space focused on your personal, intimate needs and sometimes desire to connect to another person without the expectation for reciprocating that kind of care or navigating when your needs are not aligned. For a lot of people, seeing a sex worker is holding that space of vulnerability—plus escapism and fun. I have clients I've seen through hard times, many of whom carry a lot of responsibility in work and in their personal lives, and I got to be the one person where they could say: ‘I'm having a hard time, and all I want is to not think about that for a while.’ Who doesn't need that right now?”
About me. To hire me, read this and then email me here. Subscribe to my newsletter. Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn. Read The Hustler Diaries here.
The Pandemic Hustle
For my latest on my Forbes blog, I interviewed Chase Kelly, who runs Survive the Club and coaches strippers, about how the coronavirus pandemic has impacted the strip club business. Read it here.
An excerpt from “A Strippers’ Coach Reveals How Strippers Are Surviving the Coronavirus Pandemic”:
Dancer, Las Vegas, NV | Photo credit: Susannah Breslin
“Clubs will close, but in their place new clubs will open. I’m not giving up my art form, anyway, so we will have to find a way to make it work. Maybe if we’re lucky, we will see the return of the peep show in the U.S.”
About me. To hire me, read this and then email me here. Subscribe to my newsletter. Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn. Read The Hustler Diaries here.
What's Coming Down the Pike
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Having taken some time to work on other projects, I’m now back to refocusing my energies on my Forbes blog. Currently, I’ve got four new posts coming down the pike. One about a porn star 3.0. One about a woman who supports strippers. One about an escort navigating through the pandemic. And one about a performance artist making masks out of her used panties. Keep an eye out here and here.
About me. To hire me, read this and then email me here. Subscribe to my newsletter. Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn. Read The Hustler Diaries here.
Let's Ride
You're Still a Bad Man, Aren't You?
A sign outside the “Academy Awards of porn,” Las Vegas, NV | Photo credit: Susannah Breslin
Read "You're Still a Bad Man, Aren't You?," the latest edition of my newsletter, "The Valley," here. It’s about the Ulysses of Porn Valley. Subscribe to my newsletter here.
Here’s an excerpt:
About 23 years ago, when I set foot on an adult movie set for the first time, it occurred to me that someone should write a novel set in Porn Valley. Since, a few have tried it, mostly men, and mostly to poor effect. Take, for example, Chuck Palahniuk’s Snuff, a terrible novel in which terrible things happen and nobody wins. Or, there’s Irvine Welsh’s Porno, which is also a novel and bad. And let’s not forget Martin Amis’s Yellow Dog, which is also a novel and bad, but at least he did the legwork first and visited the adult industry for the now defunct Talk magazine to produce this work of journalism about it.
Suffice to say, the world is still waiting for the Ulysses of Porn Valley.
About me. To hire me, read this and then email me here. Subscribe to my newsletter. Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn. Read The Hustler Diaries here.
Things I Did While Self-Isolating
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Revised a podcast series proposal
Wrote a book proposal
Started a novel
Wrote a short story
Wrote a podcast episode pitch
Launched a newsletter: “The Valley”
Wrote a submission for a “Modern Love” New York Times series on self-isolating
Took a lot of photographs
Posed naked on the internet
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I Get Email
Image via Geology
Hello Miss Breslin,
My name is [redacted]. I am from India. I have completed bachelor's degree from [redacted]. My age 23 male straight. From last few years I have been thinking about to go into porn industry. But society, self respect stops me to do that. Now after lot of thinking I decided to go into porn industry is confirm. I want to make a good career in porn industry. As a fresher I have no experience. But I know all the consequences and ready to work hard for a brighter future in porn industry.
So please help me or guide me to get into porn industry. It's my humble request to you ma'am. I am also ready to work for free. Because I have no experience. I want to learn and become an expert. Please reply me ma'am. I am waiting.
Your lovely friend
[redacted]
Blue
The Solodemic
Masked Mannequin, Burbank, CA | Photo credit: Susannah Breslin
Last week, I came across a “Modern Love” call on The New York Times website. They were looking for personal stories from people who are self-isolating solo. I wrote my version relatively quickly and submitted it online. I don’t know yet whether it will be published, but I’ll post an update here. If The New York Times doesn’t publish it, I’ll either submit it elsewhere or publish it on my blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
After I got divorced in October 2017, I waited a few months, and then I started dating. Since, I've gone out on exactly 22 first dates. I know this because I kept a list. Or, more specifically, I maintained a list of what the men I went out on dates with did for a living.
Want to hire me? Learn more here or email me here. Subscribe to my newsletter. Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn. Read The Hustler Diaries here.
My Life in Pink
For my latest newsletter, I wrote about posing naked for Nikola Tamindzic’s long-distance portrait series: “I Am Here, and You Are Where You Are.” Don’t subscribe to my newsletter yet? You can do that here.
Want to hire me? Learn more here or email me here. Subscribe to my newsletter. Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn. Read The Hustler Diaries here.
The Hustler Diaries Part 6: How to Pitch a Podcast Series
Awhile back, I created a pitch for a podcast series. It wasn’t that difficult. Or, I should say, it wasn’t as hard as doing a book proposal. (Tip: If you ever think something is hard, then think of something harder. Then you will feel like you are doing something comparatively easy. Emphasis on comparatively.)
Here’s how to do it:
Come up with a great concept
If you want to do a podcast series that’s not you conducting boring interviews with people or you nattering on about something that you think is interesting but no one else finds interesting, you should conceptualize a podcast series that’s about something smart, and compelling, and informative. (I won’t share my concept here, but it’s related to my nonfiction book project.) My series is a documentary series. Maybe yours is historical, or true crime, or science. Or all those things. Once you have a great idea, seek out five of your friends, but only reach out to friends who you consider to be your more honest and straightforward friends. Friends who blow sunshine up your ass are not helpful in this context. (Call them next time you get dumped or whatever.) You want friends who “speak their mind” or are sometimes told they are “cruel.” If the assholes you know find your podcast series idea interesting, you might be on to something. Remember friends are helpful. Lying to your face isn’t helpful. If you’ve shopped your ideas around to your crabby, smart friends and gotten the thumb’s-up, it’s time to move forward.
Bang out that podcast proposal
The best thing about podcast proposals is that they aren’t that long. Mine is maybe 12 pages. It includes a one-page overview, a one-page description of the format, several pages that outline what each episode will be about, and my bio. I includes an audio sample and a news article that pertains to my project. The two most challenge parts of the proposal are the overview and the outline. The challenge of the overview is making it succinct and engaging. The challenge of the outline is making it fresh (not just repeating whatever was in the overview) and telling a story that unfolds over the series’ episodes to deliver something new to the listeners by its end. If you spend more than like a month working on this, you’re taking too long. Don’t overthink it. This isn’t brain surgery. This is a podcast series.
Shove it out the door
Once I was done with my podcast series pitch, I delivered it, in PDF form, to my agent. She suggested some revisions, which I made. Then she sent the podcast pitch out to a couple of the biggest producers of podcasts. My first meeting with one of those producers is tomorrow. We’ll see what happens. At this point, you are the parent of a small, weird child you are attempting to give up for adoption—or at least co-parenting. Believe in the kid, and if you’re lucky, someone will love that four-legged, five-eyed, two-headed creature as much as you do.
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Isolation Selfie
The Hustler Diaries Part 5: How to Write a Nonfiction Book Proposal
0 Likes, 0 Comments - Susannah Breslin (@susannahbreslin) on Instagram: "👃🏼"
Last week, I completed a draft of my nonfiction book proposal and sent it to my agent. Now, the waiting begins. Here’s what I learned along the way:
Do your research
Nonfiction book proposals follow a template. There’s an overview, an author’s bio, a marketing plan, a comparative analysis, and an outline. There may be additional things, like a sample chapter. You can learn all about these bits and pieces on Google. The main thing I discovered this time around is the briefer the better. In previous drafts, I’ve over-delivered (which is to say: I tried to stuff it with too many things) or over-sold (in which case, it sounded more like puffery than promise). This time, I was more reserved, more elegant, more reasonable. I’d rather by a used car from the latter than the former. Wouldn’t you?
Go big or go home
Sometimes it’s hard to emotionally commit to a proposal. It is, after all, a proposal. Rejection haunts the hallways of your mind, and you’re just not sure if you’re giving someone you’ve never met (in this case, an editor) what they want. I think this is the part I struggled with the most. In earlier drafts, it was too memoir-y. Then it go too impersonal. This time, I believe I struck a middle ground. But the key was taking the time to realize how I wanted to tell the story. If you keep trying to figure out how they want you to tell your story, you’ll never end up telling your story at all. You’ll wind up delivering the story they wanted to hear.
Let it go
Last Tuesday, I realized it was done. I took a final pass at it, and then I emailed it to my agent. Typically, this is the hardest part. The waiting. The not knowing. The uncertainty of it. Which is why I’ve busied myself with other things. Like this blog. Or a movie. Or taking walks outside, where the roses are totally in bloom.
Want to hire me? Learn more here or email me here. Subscribe to my newsletter. Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn. Read The Hustler Diaries here.