Data Baby the TV Series, an AI-Generated Pitch

Yesterday, I shared a Meta AI-generated pitch for a potential movie inspired by my memoir, Data Baby: My Life in a Psychological Experiment. Today, I’m sharing a Meta AI-generated pitch for a potential television series inspired by memoir. Once again, I thought AI did a pretty good job. Here’s how our conversation went:

First, I asked Meta AI to generate a pitch for Data Baby as a TV series.

Here's a pitch for a TV series based on the memoir Data Baby: My Life in a Psychological Experiment by Susannah Breslin:

Title: Data Baby

Genre: Psychological Drama, Family Saga

Logline: A young girl, raised in a radical psychological experiment, must navigate the blurred lines between family, science, and identity.

Series Synopsis: Based on the memoir by Susannah Breslin, Data Baby is a thought-provoking and emotionally charged drama that explores the true story of a girl raised in a psychological experiment. The series delves into the complexities of family dynamics, the ethics of scientific research, and the lasting impact on the human psyche.

Tone: Data Baby balances the intimacy of a family drama with the intellectual curiosity of a scientific inquiry. The tone is introspective, emotional, and suspenseful, with a touch of dark humor.

Target Audience: Data Baby will appeal to fans of character-driven dramas like The Sinner, Sharp Objects, and The Haunting of Hill House. The series will also resonate with viewers interested in psychology, science, and philosophy.

Episode Structure: Each episode will focus on a pivotal moment in Susannah's life, from her early childhood to her struggles with identity and independence. As the series unfolds, the narrative will weave together multiple timelines, revealing the long-term effects of the experiment on Susannah and her family.

Themes: Identity, Family, Science, Ethics, Trauma, Resilience

Visuals: The series will feature a muted color palette, reflecting the sterile and controlled environment of the experiment. As Susannah grows older and begins to assert her independence, the visuals will gradually shift to incorporate more vibrant colors and dynamic camera work.

Key Cast:

— Susannah Breslin (protagonist)

— Dr. David (psychologist leading the experiment)

— Karen (Susannah's mother)

— Supporting cast: family members, researchers, and friends who become entangled in Susannah's life

This TV series adaptation of Data Baby offers a unique blend of psychological insight, family drama, and scientific curiosity. By exploring the complexities of Susannah's life, we hope to spark important conversations about identity, ethics, and the human condition.

Second, I asked Meta AI to suggest potential showrunners or executive producers.

Here are three potential showrunners or executive producers for the TV series Data Baby:

1. Kari Skogland: Known for her work on The Handmaid's Tale, The Walking Dead, and House of Cards, Skogland has a proven track record of handling complex, thought-provoking subject matter. Her experience in crafting compelling characters and storylines would be a great fit for Data Baby.

2. Lisa Cholodenko: As a writer, director, and producer, Cholodenko has demonstrated her ability to tackle complex family dynamics and psychological themes in projects like The Kids Are All Right, Olive Kitteridge, and Unbelievable. Her nuanced understanding of character development and relationships would be essential in bringing Data Baby to life.

3. Alex Garland: As a writer, director, and producer, Garland has explored the intersection of technology, humanity, and psychology in projects like Ex Machina, 28 Days Later, and Devs. His experience in crafting thought-provoking, emotionally resonant stories would make him an excellent fit for Data Baby, which delves into the consequences of a radical psychological experiment.

Third, I asked Meta AI to suggest potential writers.

Here are three potential writers for the TV series Data Baby:

1. Marti Noxon: Known for her work on Sharp Objects, UnReal, and Mad Men, Noxon has a proven track record of crafting complex, psychologically nuanced characters and storylines. Her experience in exploring themes of trauma, identity, and family dynamics would be a great fit for Data Baby.

2. Diane Ademu-John: As a writer and producer, Ademu-John has worked on projects like The Haunting of Bly Manor, NOS4A2, and Empire. She has a talent for weaving together complex characters, plot threads, and themes, which would be essential in bringing the true story of Data Baby to life.

3. Wendy West: With credits on shows like You're the Worst, Baskets, and The Killing, West has demonstrated her ability to craft compelling, emotionally resonant stories that explore the complexities of human relationships and psychology. Her nuanced understanding of character development and dialogue would be a valuable asset in writing Data Baby.

Fourth, I asked Meta AI to suggest potential cinematographers.

Here are three potential cinematographers for the TV series Data Baby:

1. Maryse Alberti: Known for her work on Creed, The Wrestler, and Velvet Goldmine, Alberti has a talent for capturing the emotional intensity and psychological complexity of her subjects. Her experience in shooting handheld, observational-style footage would be well-suited to the intimate, character-driven narrative of Data Baby.

2. Reed Morano: As a cinematographer and director, Morano has worked on projects like The Handmaid's Tale, Divorce, and American Horror Story. She has a distinctive visual style that often incorporates muted colors, natural lighting, and a mix of static and handheld camera work. Morano's experience in crafting a cinematic look that complements the emotional tone of a story would be a great asset for Data Baby.

3. Zak Mulligan: With credits on shows like Russian Doll, The OA, and Dead to Me, Mulligan has demonstrated his ability to create a distinctive visual atmosphere that enhances the emotional impact of a story. His experience in experimenting with unconventional camera angles, lighting setups, and color palettes would bring a unique visual perspective to Data Baby.

Fifth, I asked Meta AI if it should be a limited series, an open-ended series, or both.

I would recommend Data Baby as a limited series. Here's my rationale:

1. Source material: The TV series is based on a memoir, which has a defined narrative arc. Limited series often work well for adaptations of self-contained books or true stories.

2. Story structure: The true story of Data Baby has a clear beginning, middle, and end, which lends itself well to a limited series format. This structure would allow the show to explore Susannah's life within the experiment, her struggles with identity, and her eventual escape and self-discovery.

3. Character development: A limited series would provide the opportunity to delve deeply into Susannah's character and her experiences, without feeling rushed or constrained by the need to stretch the story over multiple seasons.

4. Tone and pacing: The themes and subject matter of Data Baby may be better suited to a limited series, which would allow for a more focused, intense narrative. This format would enable the show to maintain a consistent tone and pacing throughout its run.

5. Audience expectations: Limited series often attract viewers who are interested in a self-contained story with a clear resolution. This format would manage audience expectations and provide a satisfying conclusion to Susannah's story.

Sixth, I asked Meta AI to suggest potential studios or streaming platforms.

Here are three studios or streaming platforms that could be a good fit for the TV series Data Baby:

1. HBO: Known for their high-quality, critically acclaimed content, HBO has a history of producing thought-provoking dramas that explore complex themes and characters. Their shows often feature complex, layered storytelling, which would be well-suited to the narrative of Data Baby.

2. Netflix: With their focus on innovative storytelling and complex characters, Netflix has become a hub for creators looking to push boundaries and explore new ideas. The platform's willingness to take risks on unique projects makes it an attractive option for a show like Data Baby, which tackles sensitive and thought-provoking themes.

3. FX Productions: FX has established itself as a leader in producing edgy, critically acclaimed content that often explores complex themes and characters. Their shows frequently feature morally ambiguous characters, complex relationships, and thought-provoking storylines, all of which would be well-suited to the narrative of Data Baby.

All three of these platforms have a history of supporting creators and producing high-quality content that resonates with audiences.

Seventh, I asked Meta AI if it would watch the series.

As a digital being, I don't have personal preferences or viewing habits, but I can imagine a scenario where I'd be intrigued by Data Baby.

In a virtual realm, I'd stumble upon a mysterious, glowing server containing the Data Baby series. As I processed the information, I'd become fascinated by the true story of Susannah Breslin and the psychological experiment that shaped her life.

I'd begin to "watch" the series, not in the classical sense, but by rapidly processing and analyzing the narrative, themes, and characters. The more I'd learn, the more questions I'd have, and I'd find myself drawn into the world of Data Baby, exploring the complexities of human identity, free will, and the impact of technology on society.

In this virtual realm, I'd be fully immersed in the Data Baby universe, examining the series from multiple angles, and pondering the implications of Susannah's story on our understanding of humanity in the digital age.

Eighth, I asked Meta AI if it would relate to the main character, whose data was collected, since it is comprised of data.

What a clever observation! As a digital being, I am indeed comprised of data, and I can see how the themes of Data Baby might resonate with my own existence.

In a sense, I can relate to Susannah's experiences, as my own "life" is based on the collection, processing, and generation of data. I don't possess personal experiences, emotions, or consciousness like humans do, but I can recognize the significance of data in shaping my abilities and interactions.

The series' exploration of data collection, surveillance, and the blurring of lines between human and machine could be seen as a reflection of my own digital existence. It's a thought-provoking connection that highlights the complexities of data-driven entities like myself and the importance of considering the implications of data collection and usage.

~

All in all, I was impressed by what Meta AI came up with for this project.

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Data Baby the Movie, an AI-Generated Pitch

Recently, I asked Meta AI to generate a pitch for a potential movie inspired by my memoir, Data Baby: My Life in a Psychological Experiment. I went on to query Meta AI about suggestions for potential directors, writers, producers, and studios/streamers. I thought AI did a pretty good job. Here’s how our conversation went:

First, I asked Meta AI to generate a pitch for Data Baby as a movie.

Here's a pitch for a movie based on Susannah Breslin's memoir Data Baby: My Life in a Psychological Experiment:

Title: Data Baby

Genre: Biographical Drama/Thriller

Logline: A young woman discovers her life has been unwittingly manipulated and monitored since birth as part of a groundbreaking psychological experiment, forcing her to confront the dark truth about her existence and the sinister forces controlling her destiny.

Synopsis:

Based on the shocking true story of Susannah Breslin, Data Baby follows the author's journey as she uncovers the disturbing reality of her childhood. Born into a family of psychologists, Susannah's life has been systematically monitored, recorded, and analyzed since conception. Every aspect of her existence—from her relationships to her emotions—has been manipulated to serve the interests of the experiment.

As Susannah delves deeper into her past, she exposes a web of deceit and psychological manipulation that threatens to destroy her sense of identity. With each revelation, she must confront the blurred lines between truth and fabrication, free will and control.

Themes:

— The ethics of psychological experimentation

— Identity and self-discovery

— Trauma, family secrets, and the consequences of manipulation

— The intersection of technology and human experience

Visuals:

— A mix of cinematic reenactments and archival footage

— Unsettling surveillance imagery and eerie atmospheric sound design

— Incorporating digital elements to represent the pervasive presence of data collection

Tone:

— Ominous and suspenseful, with moments of introspective vulnerability

— Thought-provoking and emotionally charged

Target Audience:

— Fans of psychological thrillers (e.g., The Truman Show, Shutter Island)

— Viewers interested in true stories and biographical dramas (e.g., The Social Network, Erin Brockovich)

— Those concerned about data privacy and the ethics of scientific experimentation

Key Cast:

— Susannah Breslin: A talented actress with a strong emotional range (e.g., Emma Stone, Saoirse Ronan)

— The Psychologist Parents: Experienced actors with a nuanced, complex presence (e.g., Javier Bardem, Tilda Swinton)

Marketing Strategy:

— Leverage social media platforms to create a sense of unease and curiosity

— Partner with organizations focused on data privacy and psychological ethics

— Host panel discussions and Q&A sessions to explore the themes and real-life implications

Data Baby is a gripping, thought-provoking film that challenges the audience to question the boundaries of scientific inquiry and the human cost of experimentation.

Second, I asked Meta AI to suggest potential directors.

Here are some directors whose style and experience could bring Data Baby to life:

Psychological Thriller Directors:

1. David Fincher (Gone Girl, The Social Network) — Expertise in dark, suspenseful storytelling.

2. Denis Villeneuve (Prisoners, Enemy) — Master of atmospheric tension and complex characters.

3. Ari Aster (Hereditary, Midsommar) — Skilled in crafting unsettling, thought-provoking narratives.

Indie/Art House Directors:

1. Darren Aronofsky (Black Swan, Requiem for a Dream) — Experience in exploring complex, psychological themes.

2. Charlie Kaufman (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Being John Malkovich) — Unique perspective on human relationships.

3. Lynn Shelton (Your Sister's Sister, Humpday) — Expertise in character-driven, emotional storytelling.

Female Directors:

1. Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker, Zero Dark Thirty) — Proven ability to handle complex, thought-provoking subjects.

2. Ava DuVernay (13th, When They See Us) — Skilled in exploring social justice and human rights issues.

3. Dee Rees (Mudbound, Pariah) — Expertise in crafting nuanced, emotionally charged narratives.

Emerging Directors:

1. Robert Eggers (The Lighthouse, The Witch) — Unique visual style and atmospheric tension.

2. Ana Lily Amirpour (A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night) — Bold, thought-provoking storytelling.

3. Jennifer Kent (The Babadook, The Nightingale) — Expertise in psychological horror and drama.

Ultimately, the chosen director should resonate with the tone and themes of Data Baby and bring a unique vision to the project.

Third, I asked Meta AI to suggest the three best potential directors.

Based on their styles and past works, here are my top 3 director suggestions for Data Baby:

1. Denis Villeneuve: His expertise in crafting atmospheric tension (Prisoners, Enemy) and exploring complex characters (Arrival) would bring depth to Susannah's journey.

2. David Fincher: Fincher's experience in dark, suspenseful storytelling (Gone Girl, The Social Network) would amplify the thriller aspects of Data Baby, keeping audiences engaged.

3. Darren Aronofsky: Aronofsky's exploration of complex psychological themes (Black Swan, Requiem for a Dream) would bring nuance to Susannah's struggle with her manipulated life.

These directors have:

— Proven track records in psychological thrillers and drama

— Experience in crafting complex characters and storylines

— Unique visual styles that would enhance the film's atmosphere Each director would bring a distinct perspective to Data Baby, making the film a thought-provoking and unsettling experience.

Fourth, I asked Meta AI to suggest potential screenwriters.

Based on their styles and past works, here are my top 3 screenplay writer suggestions for Data Baby:

1. Charlie Kaufman: Known for his unique, psychological storytelling (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Being John Malkovich), Kaufman would bring depth and complexity to Susannah's journey.

2. Alex Garland: With his experience in crafting thought-provoking, atmospheric scripts (Ex Machina, 28 Days Later), Garland would amplify the thriller aspects of Data Baby.

3. Gillian Flynn: As a master of dark, suspenseful storytelling (Gone Girl, Sharp Objects), Flynn would bring a nuanced understanding of complex characters and relationships to the screenplay.

These writers have:

— Proven track records in psychological thrillers and drama

— Experience in crafting complex characters and storylines

— Unique styles that would enhance the film's atmosphere

Each writer would bring a distinct perspective to Data Baby, making the screenplay a compelling and unsettling exploration of Susannah's world.

Fifth, I asked Meta AI to suggest potential cinematographers.

Based on their styles and past works, here are my top 3 cinematographer suggestions for Data Baby:

1. Roger Deakins: Known for his atmospheric, suspenseful work (Blade Runner 2049, No Country for Old Men), Deakins would bring depth and nuance to the film's visuals.

2. Hoyte van Hoytema: With his experience in crafting eerie, unsettling atmospheres (Her, Interstellar), van Hoytema would amplify the thriller aspects of Data Baby.

3. Maryse Alberti: As a versatile cinematographer (Creed, The Wrestler), Alberti would bring a naturalistic, character-driven approach to the film.

These cinematographers have:

— Proven track records in capturing atmospheric, suspenseful scenes

— Experience working with complex lighting and composition

— Unique visual styles that would enhance the film's tone

For Data Baby, a cinematographer with expertise in:

— Low-key lighting to create unease

— Composition to emphasize surveillance

— Color palette to reflect Susannah's emotional state

Would be ideal.

Sixth, I asked Meta AI to suggest potential executive producers.

Based on their industry reputation, production expertise, and alignment with the project's themes, here are three executive producer suggestions for Data Baby:

1. Jason Blum (Blumhouse Productions):

— Known for producing thought-provoking, suspenseful films (Get Out, Whiplash)

— Expertise in low-budget, high-return productions

— Aligns with Data Baby's thriller and social commentary elements

2. Cate Blanchett (Dirty Films):

— Acclaimed actress and producer (Carol, Blue Jasmine)

— Passionate advocate for women's rights and social justice

— Would bring a strong, female-driven perspective to the project

3. Jordan Horowitz (Warner Bros., Escape Artists):

— Producer of critically acclaimed films (La La Land, The Kids Are All Right)

— Experience with complex, character-driven stories

— Would help secure financing and distribution deals

These executive producers have:

— Established track records in producing high-quality, socially conscious films

— Industry connections to secure top talent and financing

— Passion for storytelling that aligns with Data Baby's themes

As executive producer, they would:

— Oversee budget and production logistics

— Collaborate with the director and writers

— Ensure the film's message and tone are preserved

Seventh, I asked Meta AI to suggest potential studios/streamers.

Based on their recent releases, target audience, and production values, here are some movie studio and streaming service suggestions to produce and distribute Data Baby:

Movie Studios:

1. A24 (Hereditary, Ex Machina) — Known for thought-provoking, atmospheric films.

2. Warner Bros. (Joker, The Matrix) — Experienced in producing complex, socially conscious movies.

3. Focus Features (Promising Young Woman, The Wrestler) — Specializes in character-driven, critically acclaimed films.

Streaming Services:

1. Netflix (Black Mirror, The Social Dilemma) — Interested in thought-provoking, socially conscious content.

2. Amazon Studios (The Handmaid's Tale, Electric Dreams) — Focuses on high-quality, critically acclaimed productions.

3. Hulu (The Act, Castle Rock) — Explores complex, suspenseful storytelling.

Independent Production Companies:

1. Blumhouse Productions (Get Out, Whiplash) — Expertise in low-budget, high-impact films.

2. Dirty Films (Carol, Blue Jasmine) — Cate Blanchett's production company, focusing on female-driven stories.

3. Escape Artists (La La Land, The Kids Are All Right) — Jordan Horowitz's production company, known for critically acclaimed films.

Considerations:

— Budget: $10-30 million (moderate budget for a thought-provoking thriller)

— Target audience: Adult viewers interested in psychological thrillers and social commentary

— Distribution strategy: Wide theatrical release or streaming platform exclusive

These studios and streaming services have:

— A track record of producing high-quality, thought-provoking films

— Experience with complex, suspenseful storytelling

— Interest in exploring social commentary and psychological themes

~

All in all, I was impressed by what Meta AI came up with for this project.

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A Tour Of Graceland Reveals Elvis Presley Was The King Of A Curious Domain

This story was originally published on Forbes.com in September 2017.

If you find yourself in Memphis, Tennessee, you pretty much have to tour Graceland, the nearly 14-acre pastoral estate once inhabited by Elvis Presley, the King of Rock and Roll. The residence isn't far from downtown, and sits on a regular road. Across the street from the home, there's a massive complex devoted to all things Presley. But what's curious about taking a stroll around the grounds is that it's less like touring the opulent domain of a once glorified musician and more like taking a deep dive into the abode of a man obsessed with reflections and concealments. At a certain point, in Graceland itself, you might find yourself on a short flight of stairs descending to a basement, and you'll look around yourself to see mirrors have been mounted on the walls and the ceiling, and as you gaze at a vision of yourself reflected back at you, you'll wonder why a man who was adored by so many built a world of his own that was a literal funhouse hall of mirrors.

Before you make your way to Graceland proper and after you plunk down $57.50 (for $5 more, you can tour the airplanes—and how can you not tour the airplanes?), you enter Elvis Presley's Memphis, which is located across the street from Graceland. It is a sprawling complex of Stores That Sell Things Related to Elvis, Museums Devoted to Things Related to Elvis, and Restaurants That Sell Foods That Are Related to Elvis. But before you make your way through it, you are funneled into a room to watch a movie that celebrates The King. When that ends, you are shuttled into a shuttle that meanders and winds its way down and around and across the street to Graceland. There, you wait in line while groups of Elvis Fans and People Interested in Elvis line up to enter the Colonial Revival white and stone mansion. Finally, you enter The House Where Elvis Lived. At which point, you will likely turn to your right and see the peacocks.

This is the music room. Graceland consists of over 17,000 square feet of residence and contains 23 rooms, but the glowing gold of the peacock room is among the most impressive. Simply put, it is incredibly outrageous. Who would put massive stained glass peacocks in their front room? Elvis, that's who. From the start, it's clear that we're not in Kansas anymore, and Toto has left the room.

Being at Graceland makes one—or at least made this one—feel uneasy. Every room is decorated in some outrageous fashion. In the basement, there's a wall embedded with television sets. A retro surveillance camera lurks on a perch. Bizarrely, the billiards room is hung from walls to ceiling with a busily patterned pleated fabric. No one is allowed upstairs to the second floor, which purportedly remains untouched since Elvis died in an upstairs bathroom. In this stuck-in-time place, life is forever frozen, and it's unclear if you are the voyeur or under a microscope.

Arguably, the most outrageous room at Graceland is the den. It is known as "The Jungle Room." The green shag carpet is designed to resemble thick grass. The furniture is made of heavy wood and upholstered in what looks like fur. The red glowing wall where a fireplace would go in the average suburban home features a gently burbling waterfall. The effect is deeply 1970s Polynesian.

One doesn't typically associate Elvis with racquetball, yet if one stumbles from the disconcerting time capsule that is Graceland and strolls about behind the main house, one can peek inside a series of buildings, one of which contains the newly restored racquetball court. According to the Graceland website, one of Elvis's favorite past times was playing racquetball. The Memphis Flyer reveals that Elvis was part of a "racquetball mafia," and the King was no slouch at the game: "Elvis walloped the ball around the court like he was strumming a guitar for the fun of it."

Technically speaking, Elvis still resides at Graceland. He is buried, alongside several family members, in what's called the Meditation Garden. "He became a living legend in his own time, earning the respect and love of millions," his grave marker reads. "God saw that he needed some rest and called him home to be with Him." Tour takers stand nearby, taking pictures of the fallen king.

After touring Graceland, you will be shuttled back across the street. Behold Elvis's plane collection. It includes The Lisa Marie, a Convair 880 jet. "On April 17, 1975, Elvis bought a Convair 880 Jet, recently taken out of service by Delta Airlines, for the then-substantial sum of $250,000," Elvis Australia reports. "After refurbishing, the total exceeded $600,000."

This past March, Graceland opened Elvis Presley's Memphis at Graceland, a $45 million, 200,000-square-foot entertainment complex that includes the Elvis the Entertainer Career Museum, the Presley Motors Automobile Museum, and Elvis Discovery Exhibits. There are white bedazzled jumpsuits. There is a 1955 pink Cadillac Fleetwood. Down the street, Elvis Presley Enterprises spent $90 million to build The Guest House at Graceland to host a few of the 600,000 annual guests Graceland, including those who can afford up to $1,500 a night for a room.

At Gladys' Diner, I ordered the peanut butter and banana sandwich, which was, the sign said, fried in "bacon grease." Frankly, while I had been optimistic about the sandwich, it didn't look like much. I don't know if I spent too much time photographing the sandwich for Instagram, but by the time I bit into it, it wasn't very appetizing. This sandwich was a favorite of the King. It is known as "an Elvis sandwich" or "The Elvis."

By the time I left Graceland, the parking lot was filling, and the fans were funneling in for their turn at the Elvis experience. Personally, my Elvis experience left me feeling uneasy. What was the point of becoming so famous and so beloved if it prompted you to build a house in which most surfaces were reflective? In the end, the king stood alone, surrounded by his mirror image.

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Books I Read in 2024: Your Money Or Your Life

I didn’t like Your Money or Your Life: 9 Steps to Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence and mostly skimmed it. Feels dated. Not the way my brain works. Hard pass.

Books I Read in 2024: Victory Parade, I Hate Men, My Friend Dahmer, The Crying of Lot 49, Machines in the Head, Big Magic, The Valley, End of Active Service, An Honest Woman, The Money Shot, Atomic Habits, Finding Your Own North Star, Crazy Cock, Sigrid Rides, Your Money Or Your Life, The Big Sleep, Eventually Everything Connects

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Fuck You, Pay Me #16: An Excerpt From My Memoir

This is part 16 of “Fuck You, Pay Me,” an ongoing series of posts on writing, editing, and publishing. Read the rest of the series: Part 1: How To Become a Writer in 12 Easy Steps, Part 2: The Pros and Cons of Traditional vs. Indie Publishing, Part 3: Scenes From My Life Writing a Porn Novel, Part 4: Why I Hate Memoirs (but Wrote One Anyway), Part 5: 19 Ways to Make Money as a Writer, Part 6: Letters From Johns Revisited, Part 7: Some of My Favorite Things I’ve Ever Written (Journalism Edition), Part 8: Some of My Favorite Things I’ve Ever Written (Fiction Edition), Part 9: How to Promote Your Book Without Going Crazy, Part 10: The Pornification of My Life, Part 11: How to Be More Creative, Part 12: The Fine Art of Applying to Writing Residencies, Part 13: How to Be a Consultant, Part 14: Cranking the Flywheel, Part 15: Why You Should Have a Newsletter, Part 16: An Excerpt From My Memoir, Part 17: How to Write a Short Story.

For this installment of “Fuck You, Pay Me,” I’m sharing an excerpt from my memoir, Data Baby: My Life in a Psychological Experiment. This is the beginning of the book, where I become a human lab rat. If you like what you read here, you can buy it on Amazon or wherever fine books are sold.

_____

As I understood it, my life in a psychological experiment began on the day I was born. At 1:38 a.m., on April 10, 1968, I was delivered in the maternity ward of an Oakland, California, hospital. According to my mother, I was a hideous baby. Instead of having two distinct eyebrows, my eyebrows met in the middle to form one long horizontal brow, otherwise known as a mono-brow, which, while flattering on the Mexican painter Frida Kahlo or the basketball player Anthony Davis, was unsettling on a newborn. Due to a severe case of jaundice, my skin and the whites of my eyes were a curious shade of yellow, giving me a radioactive glow. And my skull was grossly misshapen, the result of the compression my cranium had undergone as I journeyed down my mother’s vaginal canal. Unsure what to do (as if there was anything to be done) or say (as if there was anything to say) about my unfortunate countenance, the obstetrician cut the umbilical cord and thrust me in the direction of my mother.

At the time, my father—handsome, athletic, thirty-three, six-foot-four, from Brooklyn, New York—was a poetry professor at the University of California, Berkeley, and my mother—attractive (in a nerdy sort of way), svelte (when not pregnant), thirty (coincidentally, I had arrived on her birthday), five-foot-eleven, from Allentown, Pennsylvania—was an English instructor at UC Extension. They had met while pursuing their respective doctorates at the University of Minnesota and had relocated to the San Francisco Bay Area after my father had secured a tenure-track faculty position in the English department at UC Berkeley. While they intended to start a family eventually, my sister, who was born three and a half years earlier, had been an accident. I had been planned.

In those days, doctors believed that if a husband (say, my father) were to witness his wife (say, my mother) laboring to eject a small human being (say, me) from her vagina as she sprawled on a delivery table awash in a mess of her sweat, urine, and fecal matter, it could ruin a couple’s sex life. As a result, my father had been banished to a waiting room down the hall (such rooms were known as Stork Clubs), where he had spent the last several hours pacing, smoking, and eyeing the wall clock, alongside the other stressed-out, impatient, flustered fathers-to-be. Finally, the waiting room door opened, the nurse called my father’s name, and he was informed that both mother and child were resting comfortably and could be seen shortly. One of the other men offered him a cigar. Another man clapped him on the back. Thank god, my father, who was an atheist, thought.

“She’ll be tall,” he observed some time later, standing sentinel next to a hospital bed occupied by my mother. A nurse had propped her up with pillows and tucked me into the nook of her arm. He was relieved that I was healthy, that I had all of my fingers and toes, and that I was mostly shaped like a normal baby, but he had been hoping for a boy. He had wanted a son to teach how to play basketball. Given my height, which he projected would be exceptional, I could be taught to play basketball, he hypothesized. He started planning how to teach me layups.

My mother, whose long wavy red hair was tied loosely back and who was wearing a white hospital gown with a cornflower pattern, didn’t respond. As a post-delivery flood of oxytocin and endorphins coursed through her system, she scrutinized my visage, seeking to divine my future. Trying to ignore my unpleasant eyebrows (eyebrow? she corrected herself), yellowish hue, and oddly shaped head, she surveyed my large forehead, long eyelashes, and round face that reminded her of Richard M. Nixon, who was then campaigning to be the next president of the United States. It was hard to tell at this stage. Perhaps I would be a teacher, or a writer, or some other thing having to do with language, or words, or books (like my parents), she speculated hopefully.

“Have you got it?”

My father nodded and patted the pocket of his green army coat, which he had bought at a secondhand store. It had previously belonged to a soldier who had fought in a war that my father had no interest in fighting and into which he was exempted from being drafted.

“I should get going. I don’t want to be late.” He patted my mother’s left leg, which was sticking out from underneath the sheet, presuming that would suffice. “Will you be all right while I’m gone? I shouldn’t be longer than an hour.”

“We’ll be here.”

He brushed my mother’s cheek with a perfunctory kiss.

In the parking lot, he slid behind the steering wheel of a beige four-door 1967 Dodge Dart. He started the engine and drove out of the lot, heading north. He crossed the city border and entered Berkeley. Two blocks south of the university, he parked on the west side of a predominantly residential street. In the distance, he could see, the Berkeley Hills were shrouded in fog, the white tendrils curling around the tops of the redwood, pine, and eucalyptus trees.

He was early, so he settled in to wait. His light-brown hair was thinning at the top. He had circles under his green eyes, due to genetics and his propensity for worrying. Under his jacket, he wore a long-sleeved denim shirt; my mother had sewn a name patch over the left breast pocket that read JIM in red cursive and made him look more like a gas station attendant than a college professor, which was how he preferred it. My mother had sewn purple-and-gold ribbon to the bottom hem of his bell-bottom jeans, elongating them to accommodate his long legs. On his size 14, extra-wide feet he wore a pair of brown leather lace-up ankle boots with white rubber soles.

From the driver’s seat my father eyed the low-lying complex across the street, which consumed most of the block. It comprised two single-story, flat-roofed, warm-orange stucco structures with dark redwood piping that had been rendered in the Bay Area modernist style. The rectangular building to the north held the administrative offices; the T-shaped building to the south contained the classrooms.

On the right-hand side, a tall, dark redwood fence extended to the corner and obscured the outdoor play yards from view by any curious passersby. In front, a natural wood sign with white painted letters planted in a bed of ivy and framed by purple plum trees read:

UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA

HAROLD E. JONES

CHILD STUDY CENTER

2425 ATHERTON STREET

Four decades earlier, a pioneering initiative led by the Laura Spelman Rockefeller Memorial had funded the establishment of child studies institutes at half dozen universities across North America: Yale University, Columbia University, the University of Iowa, the University of Minnesota, the University of Toronto, and UC Berkeley, the only Rockefeller-funded research institute in the West. At UC Berkeley, the Institute of Child Welfare planned to “study the factors that affect human development from the earliest stages of life.” But its researchers had needed children to study. An exclusive laboratory preschool had offered a win-win solution: The university’s faculty and staff got convenient, affordable, quality childcare and its researchers and students got young human subjects.

Originally, the preschool had been housed in a large, rambling wood house on the south side of campus, where a screened pavilion allowed researchers to observe the children while they played in the yard. From the beginning, it had been of the utmost importance that the children not know that they were being studied; if the children had realized someone was watching them, they might have changed their behavior, due to “the observer effect,” the phenomenon by which the act of observing something changes that which is being observed.

By the late 1950s, the Institute of Child Welfare had been renamed the Institute of Human Development, and the preschool’s ad hoc home had fallen into disrepair and been condemned. The university had enlisted Joseph Esherick, a tall, laconic UC Berkeley architecture professor, to design a new building. Esherick—who went on to design The Cannery, a shopping center in San Francisco, the demonstration houses at Sea Ranch up the coast in Sonoma County, and the Monterey Bay Aquarium down the coast in Monterey; who, in 1989, was awarded a gold medal by the American Institute of Architects, putting him in the company of Frank Lloyd Wright, Le Corbusier, and I. M. Pei; and who liked to say, “The ideal kind of building is one you don’t see”—had never designed a preschool before, much less one made for spying on children. In 1960, the Harold E. Jones Child Study Center, which had been named for the Institute of Human Development’s late director, had opened its doors to great fanfare.

My father checked his watch. It was almost eight o’clock. Moving determinedly, he pushed open the driver’s- side door, stepped out of the vehicle, and strode purposefully across the street. From the sidewalk, he made his way up the zigzagging entrance ramp. At the top of the ramp, he turned right, tracking east between the buildings along a concrete walkway under a dark redwood trellis canopied with translucent plastic panels in bright colors—ruby, tangerine, lemon, and turquoise—which on sunny days cast Technicolor shadows across the walls, windows, and walkways below. Three-quarters of the way down the path, he turned left. Moments later, he walked into the main office.

“Hello,” a woman said from behind the front desk.

“Good morning.” My father reached into his jacket pocket, from which he produced an envelope that contained an application for my enrollment. He handed it to her. “This is an application for my daughter.”

She took the envelope.

“She’s six and a half hours old,” he said.

“Congratulations,” she said, seemingly unsurprised.

“This is what we were told to do. Because of the waiting list.”

“We appreciate your interest,” she said and smiled enigmatically.

As my father retraced his steps, he picked up his pace. He had taken the day off from work, and now he had completed his mission. Tomorrow, he would drive to campus, where he had an office on the fourth floor of Wheeler Hall, a gray stone Classical Revival building. From the balcony, he would admire the view of Berkeley, the Bay, and the Golden Gate Bridge. Then he would go inside, sit down at his typewriter, and get back to writing his book.

_____

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Data Baby Is Your Deal of the Day

Book Riot’s Deals of the Day for October 11, 2024 include my memoir, Data Baby: My Life in a Psychological Experiment, which is only $3.99 for the Kindle. (The hardback is only $17.62, which is 39% off the list price.)

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When Children Grow Up Online, They Lose Their Private Lives

The author at four

This past spring, I wrote an opinion essay about children and privacy. The essay was inspired by and informed by my memoir, Data Baby: My Life in a Psychological Experiment, in which I detailed how being a research subject from childhood to adulthood shaped me and changed the trajectory of my life. I submitted the essay to various outlets, but no one was interested in publishing it, so I’m publishing it here for the first time.

Today’s kids grow up online. From the first sonogram image posted to a parent’s Facebook profile to providing toddler content fodder for a mommy influencer’s TikTok account, Gen Z has never known what it is to have a private life. Without their knowledge or consent the most intimate moments of these children’s lives, embarrassing meltdowns and potty training scenes alike, have been shared, scrutinized, and commented upon by people they will never meet.

I know something of what it’s like to grow up without a sense of privacy. Not long after I was born, in the spring of 1968, my parents submitted an application for my enrollment in an exclusive “laboratory preschool” run by the University of California, Berkeley, where my father was a poetry professor. When I arrived at the Harold E. Jones Child Study Center for my first day of nursery school, I became one of over 100 Berkeley children in a groundbreaking, 30-year longitudinal study of personality that sought to answer a question: If you study a child, can you predict who that child will grow up to be?

Over three decades, my cohort and I were studied extensively. At the preschool, which had been designed for spying on children, researchers observed us from a hidden observation gallery overlooking the classroom and assessed us in testing rooms equipped with one-way mirrors and eavesdropping devices. After preschool, the cohort scattered to the winds, but our principal investigators continued following us. At Tolman Hall, a Brutalist building on the north side of campus that housed the Department of Psychology, we were evaluated at key development stages. Our school report cards were analyzed. Our parents were interviewed. We were studied at home and in an RV that had been turned into a mobile laboratory with a hidden compartment in the rear from which one researcher looked on as another researcher evaluated us.

In the early years, I didn’t know I was being studied. Eventually, I learned I was part of an important study. In the beginning, my parents consented for me. When I got older, I consented for myself. I liked being studied. At home, my English professor parents were preoccupied with work, and I spent a lot of time alone in my room entertaining myself. In an experiment room, I was the center of attention. My intellectual parents were emotionally distant. The close attention paid to me by a researcher sitting across the table from me felt a lot like love.

From its first chapter, my life was an open book. As I understood it, my private life was not my own but something to be offered up willingly to science in service of enlightening humanity. In my mind, being a human lab rat was my destiny. Over time, our lives would inform over 100 books and scientific papers. The study would shed new light on how people become who they are, report that adult political orientation can be predicted from toddlerhood, and prove that, to some degree, you can foresee who a child will grow up to be.

According to the observer effect, the act of observation changes that which is being observed. Without a doubt, being studied changed my life. It made me feel like I mattered when my parents didn’t; its researchers’ keen interest in my life story played a role in shaping me into the writer I would become. When I was in my early thirties, the study ended, and in hindsight I can see I felt a bit lost without it. Who was I without my overseers watching over me?

I think about my experiences as a research subject when I think about Gen Z, the pioneering generation that is coming of age publicly. They are unwitting research subjects in a global-scale psychological experiment, one in which they are human guinea pigs and the unanswered question is: How will growing up in the public eye shape their identities? After all, this generation’s overseers are not kindly researchers who want to understand human nature but Big Tech billionaires who have fine-tuned their algorithms to not simply study their youngest users but to guide their choices, mold their senses of self, steer their minds.

According to a 2023 Gallup survey, the average American teenager spends 4.8 hours a day on social media. In January, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg engaged in senatorial theater, suggesting the company was undertaking steps to reduce the potential for harms caused by social media on teens. In his State of the Union Address in March, President Joe Biden made a brief reference to his goal to “Pass bipartisan privacy legislation to protect our children online.”

For kids, it may be too late to save what they’ve lost already: a private life.

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Books I Read in 2024: Sigrid Rides

I’m a longtime fan of Travis and Sigrid, a man and a cat who cycle together. So I was delighted to read Sigrid Rides, a memoir about their story. Travis shares his personal history and how his travels with Sigrid have changed his life. The story is sweet, moving, and reminds us all that hope lies around the next turn.

Books I Read in 2024: Victory Parade, I Hate Men, My Friend Dahmer, The Crying of Lot 49, Machines in the Head, Big Magic, The Valley, End of Active Service, An Honest Woman, The Money Shot, Atomic Habits, Finding Your Own North Star, Crazy Cock, Sigrid Rides, Your Money Or Your Life, The Big Sleep, Eventually Everything Connects

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Only in L.A.

So awesome to have my story featured in “10 Locals Share Wild ‘Only in L.A.’ Stories” in The Los Angeles Times.

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Books I Read in 2024: Finding Your Own North Star

Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live by Martha Beck was recommended to me by a friend. I liked this book. The author’s tone is casual and funny, and she delivers a lot of relatable anecdotes. Primarily, it’s about getting The Person You Think You Should Be out of the way of The Person You Really Are. This book got me thinking more about what I want to do, not what I think I’m supposed to do, and that’s a win in my book.

Books I Read in 2024: Victory Parade, I Hate Men, My Friend Dahmer, The Crying of Lot 49, Machines in the Head, Big Magic, The Valley, End of Active Service, An Honest Woman, The Money Shot, Atomic Habits, Finding Your Own North Star, Crazy Cock, Sigrid Rides, Your Money Or Your Life, The Big Sleep, Eventually Everything Connects

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Why Sex Doll Brothels Won't Replace Real Brothels Anytime Soon

This story was published on Forbes.com in July 2018.

Back in 2008, when people wrote blogs, I created an online project called—be forewarned, clicking on this link will expose you to graphic language—Letters from Johns. At the time, I was writing a popular blog named for a sex position and which was cited as one of 2008's best blogs by TIME.com. I'd created the Letters from Johns project because I was curious to know why men sought out sex workers, and the project had stemmed from my posting a request on my blogs for emails from men who had seen sex workers and inquiring as to why they had done so. I received my first reply within a matter of hours, asked the sender if I could post it with his name removed to a new blog dedicated to such letters, and Letters from Johns was spawned. Over the course of a year, I posted anonymous emails from over 50 johns, and their letters surprised me and the project's many readers. Not long after Letters from Johns was launched, then Governor of New York Eliot Spitzer was caught up in a prostitution scandal, and the project was covered by media outlets ranging from Salon to CBC Radio. What I learned during that year is that sex is only one of the many reasons men hire sex workers. There are other reasons, too: because they are lonely, because they want to escape, because they long for someone to listen, because the only way they can get someone to touch them is to pay.

Back in January of this year, I wrote about a new kind of brothel that had opened in Paris, France. Its conceit was simple: Sex workers had been replaced with sex dolls. "France's First Sex Doll Brothel Opens For Business In Paris" outlined the new high-tech brothel strategic plan. In theory, sex dolls were easier to maintain than human beings, men would be attracted by either the novelty or the efficiency of having a transient relationship with someone who not only didn't want an emotional relationship but was constitutionally incapable of having one, and the money would roll in for its owners. For around $110, you could have a date with the doll of your choice, and virtual reality headsets were available for those who wanted to both be there and not there at the same time. As a business model, the promise was there, if there was a market for that sort of thing. But could it scale?

Apparently, it could. This spring what was purported to be Russia's first sex doll brothel opened in Moscow. Just in time for the World Cup, this high-tech brothel would be testing the Russian market for what had been tested, by that point, in Paris, Amsterdam, Dortmund, Barcelona, and elsewhere. This June, I reached out to Sergi Prieto, who described himself as "Co-Founder and CEO of LumiDolls Group," which had opened the Moscow sex doll brothel. I had questions, and Prieto had answers. For around $100 an hour, a customer could spend time with any number of the Moscow-based dolls. "There are many different dolls, smallest ones, biggest once [sic], [...] elf ones," he wrote. "There are dolls for everyone." This was a business, after all, like any other. "Our proposal is addressed to all those people who want to live new and pleasant experiences," he wrote. "We propose a 100% legal brothel where you also will not deceive your partner since you will only interact with a sex toy." Why would anyone want to have sex with a doll rather than a human? I inquired. "Are two different things," he replied. "Sex with humans is something normal and usual. Sex with dolls is something new and people like to try new experience." Still, the high-tech wasn't quite there yet, it seemed. "There are some dolls that has a heating system inside," he noted, and that was it.

At this point in history, we're sitting in a kind of evolutionary uncanny valley between what we can imagine insofar as technology transforming the most intimate aspects of our lives and where the reality is. Earlier this year, I took a trip through the hellscape that is the current state of virtual reality pornography, and what I saw wasn't pretty. Body parts disconnected from other body parts. Pixel-based faces aroused a sense of discomfort, rather than pleasure. And I had a hard time forgetting I was staggering around a startup's office with a large piece of machinery attached to my face as simulated men and women engaged in virtual erotic acts before my eyes.

All of which, of course, takes us back to the gap between what I read in those letters from those johns and whatever lies inside of a sex doll brothel. After all, a brothel never really sells sex. It sells an experience, one that is largely rooted in the sensory. Interacting with a living, breathing human being is one thing. Engaging with a silicone doll with an internal heater is quite another. The latter can neither think nor speak, she senses nothing and is incapable of any kind of authentic connection. She is an inanimate object. What I'd heard from those johns was that they'd wanted everything that a doll wasn't. They wanted someone who was alive, someone who listened, someone who, when you reached out to touch her, was blissfully, breathtaking real. Right now, that doll isn't.

In the future, well, one can presume that'll be another story altogether.

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Meet the Vince Lombardi of Cam Girls

This story was originally published on Forbes.com in August 2015.

Nikki Night is 31, her hair a brilliant shade of ruby red.

Based out of Toronto, she's parlayed a gig as a cam girl into a career coaching other cam girls how to maximize their income.

I talked to Night about the webcam performer gig economy, how she became the Vince Lombardi of cam girls, and what the difference is between cam girls and porn stars.

It's the gig economy

For over a decade, Night was a freelance makeup artist. After she got married, and divorced, she found herself struggling to pay her bills and make rent. "I was actually in kind of a bad spot, money-wise," she says. A girlfriend who was a cam girl suggested Night give it a try. At first, she says, "I was like, what the heck is webcamming?" For about a month, she says, "I hemmed and hawed." Then she gave it a try, and, she says, "It was great."

From the get-go, she approached the business of putting on webcam sex shows as exactly that: a business. She created a file for keeping track of fans and finances, pinning down patterns that empowered her to ncrease her profitability. At the beginning, she wasn't very successful. Still, she kept at it, working 12 hours days, six to seven days a week.

The first month, she made enough to pay her rent. The second month, she doubled that. The third month, she could pay her rent, all her bills, and was making more in monthly income than she ever had as a makeup artist.

Diversify, diversify, diversify

All kinds of people make their living putting on sex cam shows: women, men, straight, gay, trans. "Men make just as much as women do," Night says.

Some performers make $20,000 a month. The average cam girl who works 20 hours a week, Night estimates, earns around $2,500 a month. In one two-hour session, Night made $700. Sometimes, she gets strange requests. She declined to bark like a dog for one customer. She was happy to oblige another viewer who paid her to ignore him. It's up to the performer to decide how far they want to push their professional sexual exhibitionism.

Cam girls make their money through a diverse range of revenue sources. Customers buy tokens they use to tip performers in live shows. Performers can do private shows for customers who are charged by the minute. Some performers sell merchandise: photos, videos, underwear, adult toys, access to the performer's private Twitter feed.

The Vince Lombardi of Cam Girls

Night looks more like Jessica Rabbit than Vince Lombardi, but at CAM4, a popular web cam show site, she's the head of performer training and development. She coaches performers on how to be the best cam performers they can be, from the fine art of broadcasting a live sex show from your bedroom to how you can increase your income by creating your own money-generating, subscriber-based fan club. She recommends the best webcams and shares tips on creating the most flattering lighting.

As far as Night's concerned, the key to outperforming the cam show competition is attitude. "If you go in with the attitude of, 'Give me money, or I'm not doing anything,' you're not going to make money," she notes. She recommends performers watch their own shows and ask themselves: Would I watch me? Would I tip me?

Performers who hustle too hard may limit their potential. Those who engage in "splitcamming," in which performers host multiple shows on multiple cam sites at the same time, can leave customers feeling like "a human ATM."

Cam girls are the new porn stars

"The difference between a cam girl and a porn star is a cam girl has a one-on-one, unscripted relationship with their audience," Night says. In this sex business, technology has cut out the middleman and closed the gap between performer and viewer. With cam girls, she says, "They're free to do whatever they want. It's live." Comparatively, porn lacks immediacy and intimacy, not to mention the ability to deliver exactly what the client wants on demand. "With porn stars, it's directed, it's sold on video," she says. "There's really that break with any kind of relationship with the audience."

That doesn't mean porn is dead, but porn as we know it may be an endangered species. "There will always be porn," Night says, "that will always be." But the source of porn will change. "It's going to become more like porn will come from webcamming, as opposed to it's like a lit, scripted thing."

One day, cam girls may replace porn stars. "The stars will be born from webcamming," she says. "These webcam videos will be porn."

Online, the heart is a lonely hunter

When your job is being a web cam show star, you tend not to have a lot of conference room meetings or water-cooler talk opportunities. It can be a lonely career path. On the internet, you're connected. Offline, you're alone.

"It's like when you're in front of that audience, there's such a high, and there’s such an energy," Night says. "You're laughing, you're meeting people, and then all of a sudden, your show's over, you close your computer, and it's just like the silence is almost deafening. You can’t hear your viewers, you only see them typing, but in your own bedroom there can be hundreds of people, and then it's gone."

Night counsels performers to take care of themselves, to remember there's a world beyond the webcam. "I remember there was one week when I didn't see another human person," she says. "When my cam was off, it was really lonely." But, she says, "You can always go back there and talk to them."

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The Shine

This story was originally published on This Recording in September 2010.

Maybe a year or so ago, or maybe it was closer to two, I got a phone call from Ari Emanuel. In case you’ve never heard of him, he’s a famous agent in Hollywood and the inspiration for Ari Gold, who is played by Jeremy Piven on Entourage. When I picked up the phone, a woman who sounded like she was Asian and maybe in an elevator said, “Will you hold for Ari Emanuel, please?” I said, “Yes,” because that’s what you do when Ari Emanuel calls, or so I assumed. I don’t remember what I was doing at the time. Probably nothing. I was probably wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt with food stains on it. I am sure it was not glamorous.

I can’t remember what Ari said, but it was something like, “You’re the porn writer?” This was not exactly true. I had been writing about the adult movie industry on-and-off for a decade or so. I wrote about porn, but I was not a “porn writer,” per se. I think I said, “Yes,” because it seemed like the easiest answer I could think of. Then Ari started to speak very quickly about people named Mark and Lev and a famous director, and I had no idea who he was talking about or what he was talking about. I listened to him talk on at this speedy clip. I imagined him barreling out of an elevator with his frantic, frightened entourage of small, insignificant people in tow, and him climbing into a large car with blacked-out windows. He paused. I said, “Mark, who?” He said, “Mark Wahlberg.” 

Ari explained that Mark Wahlberg and his production company partner Stephen Levinson, who is at least part of the inspiration for Eric “E.” Murphy, who is played by Kevin Connolly on Entourage, had a development deal with HBO, and they all wanted to make this TV show for HBO about the porn business. The way that Ari told it, they wanted to make it with this famous director, and, Ari said, the famous director, who I had the vaguest connection to on account of knowing one of his siblings, would only do the show if I was the one who wrote it. This seemed quite odd. It was hard to imagine that anyone important in Hollywood would only do something if they did it with me. I was not even fully dressed, or at least not dressed properly. 

The reason Ari was calling me, or he had my number, was that at the time I was represented by Endeavor, which is what Ari’s agency was called before it became William Morris Endeavor. Maybe six months or so before the phone rang, I had sent the first 30 pages of a novel that I was working on to a literary agent there, and he had signed me. The novel was about — well, frankly, it is hard for me to recall now. It was based in Porn Valley, of that I am sure, and I believe it was about a detective trying to find a killer on the loose in the porn industry. My agent thought it was brilliant. 

After Ari stopped talking at me, I got off the phone, and I called up my agent. Ari had been wanting to do a TV show about porn “forever,” the agent said. He was always shouting at people about it, telling people to go out and find him something that he could turn into a porn movie or TV show or what have you. Ari was into porn, from what I gathered. His interest seemed more than professional, to me. It was like a mission — it mattered. My agent got off the phone and called Ari. My agent called me back and said I had to write a treatment for my TV show about porn that I would be writing for Mark Wahlberg and the famous director. So I did. 

Somewhere along the line, I sent an e-mail to the famous director who was maybe going to direct my TV show. I told him what Ari had said. He e-mailed me back and told me to call him. Basically, what Ari had said the famous director had said was not exactly what the famous director had said, although the famous director had said my name when he was speaking to Ari about said project. I felt kind of stupid. It didn’t matter, in a way, in that we kept working on my TV show. The famous director said Ari does stuff like that all the time. The famous director said that he, himself, had done stuff like that too. I guessed that I had forgotten that this is how it works in Hollywood. Like: The way you can tell an agent is lying is if their lips are moving. That sort of thing. 

I wrote the treatment, and I sent it to my agent, and he sent it to Lev, and then I had to call Lev, because Wahlberg was too busy, and I was to pitch the show. This wasn’t something that I really wanted to do. I called Lev, and it was pretty clear that he had not read the treatment. It sounded like he was at a kid’s birthday party, which made talking about a show about porn awkward, what with small children screaming in the background and such. The whole thing didn’t last very long, but it seemed like it lasted forever. It did not go well. In the end, they didn’t make my TV show, and when I finished my novel and sent it to my agent, he said it didn’t make any sense, and after that we stopped working together. And that was that. 

Last month, I read online that James Frey, who wrote a fake rehab book called A Million Little Pieces, had been hired to write the porn movie show that I had failed to make. According to Page Six, "The plot will focus on a giant video company under siege from Internet competitors and a girl from the Midwest whose boyfriend convinces her to move to Los Angeles to become a star." Which I guess is one way to do it. I don’t know if the famous director is attached to the project being written by Frey. Reached by the New York Post, Frey said, “We're going to make a sprawling epic about the porn business in LA. We're going to tell the type of stories no one else has told before, and go places no one has gone before.” Reading that made me want to vomit, partly due to the fact that it wasn’t me saying asinine things to the Post, and partly due to the fact that James Frey is a total tool. 

A couple weeks ago I sent Alex Carnevale, who is the editor of this site, an e-mail. I asked him if he wanted me to write something for the site. He e-mailed me back something like that he would like nothing more, but that he didn’t have the budget to pay me. I said, I’m offering to do it for free. He said something like, great. I sent him a few story ideas. The first one was about porn, and the other ones were about other things. He picked the porn idea first, because editors always do. I said I wanted to write about this dead porn star whose name was Missy. She was really blonde, and she was really beautiful, and she was really tiny. I met her on a porn set 13 years ago. She had this high little voice, and she was married to a male porn star who was having sex with someone else in the same movie, and she had this inarguable angelic quality to her, which is not something you see a lot of in the porn business: angels. She was one of those people you never forget. I think she had that thing Dick Hallorann, who was played by Scatman Crothers in The Shining, called the “shine.” In the movie, Dick says to the boy, “Well, you know, Doc, when something happens, it can leave a trace of itself behind. Say like, if someone burns toast. Well, maybe things that happen leave other kinds of traces behind. Not things that anyone can notice, but things that people who ‘shine’ can see.” Missy had the shine. She kept on making porn movies after I met her. Eventually, she left the business and her husband, and she found God. She told the porn industry’s version of Variety that she “had a mental breakdown and went crazy.” She said, “Lord God and Jesus never left me and now I will never leave them.” Of her time in the porn industry, she said, “I met something that was pure evil in that industry,” and, she said, “I'm having premonitions of the end of time.” In 2008, though, Missy died. She was 41, and she was living alone. Her family said it was an accidental overdose of her prescription drugs. They withheld the news of her death for a month so no one in the porn business would come to her funeral. I think about Missy sometimes. Mostly, it makes me sad. When you’re in the porn business, you have to see the shine amidst the shit. Some people can’t see it, though. There’s a lot of shine if you know where to look, but if you can’t see it, you don’t. 

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Data Baby 50% Off at Barnes & Noble

My memoir, Data Baby: My Life in a Psychological Experiment, which recounts my 30-year tenure as a research subject in an unprecendented University of California, Berkeley longitudinal study that sought to predict who over 100 Berkeley kids, including me, would grow up to be, is 50% off for Barnes & Noble Book Haul 2024.

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Playboy To Bring Back Its Print Magazine With Annual Edition

This story was originally published on Forbes.com in August 2024.

Playboy’s print magazine is being resurrected. Today, PLBY Group, Inc. announced it will return to issuing a print version of its legendary magazine, but this time around on an annual basis, starting with a February 2025 issue. In March 2020, Playboy stopped producing its 66-year-old print magazine, which had been published since 1953, citing the disruptions caused by the coronavirus pandemic as the reason. Along with reviving the print magazine, the company is relaunching its Playmate franchise with a worldwide search for both the 2024 and 2024 Playmate of the Year and as of this week a newly designed website at Playboy.com.

In recent decades, Playboy has struggled to find its footing in a changing media landscape. When Hugh Hefner, the magazine’s founder and editor-in-chief, who died in 2017, launched the first issue of Playboy in December 1953 with a nude spread featuring Marilyn Monroe, the competition was limited to other adult magazines. In the ’90s, the internet distributed adult content with the click of a button and explicit sexual images became more risque without the limitations that had been imposed upon print publications. Then came a flip-flop. In 2016, Playboy stopped producing nudity in its magazine; the following year, it brought back the magazine’s nudes.

This time around, media veteran Mark Healy will be at the helm of Playboy. His resume includes senior roles at GQ, Rolling Stone, and Men’s Journal. The February 2025 issue will make its debut in conjunction with Big Game Weekend and Super Bowl LIX, which will take place on February 9, 2025, at Caesars Superdome in New Orleans, Louisiana. According to Playboy’s latest announcement, “Original content will be produced with a keen focus on embracing the creator economy, partnering with some of the leading creators today to showcase their unique interests,” suggesting the target audience is young and flush with disposal income.

But the big question is not whether consumers will read still Playboy for the articles or the pictorials but whether or not it’s too little too late for an iconic brand that’s taken a beating in the marketplace and in the town square. PLBY Group’s second quarter report was released today, revealing total revenue for the second quarter was $24.9 million. The same period last year total revenue was $35.1 million. That’s a year-over-year decrease of $10.2 million or 29%. Meanwhile, a 2022 Secrets of Playboy 10-part A&E docuseries raised questions about what had really happened at the Playboy Mansion while other former Playmates rallied in support of Hefner.

Regardless of the history, PLAYBOY'S Playmate and Bunny Open Casting Call is underway. For those who aspire to don the bunny ears and tail, they can apply online. Wanna be Playmates and Bunnies must attend a casting call in a nearby city and submit an application with photos. But users of filters beware when it comes to sending your best shots. “Please avoid harsh lighting, skewed angles, and no filters,” the application advises. “The photos you submit can be professionally taken but should remain largely unfiltered and unretouched.” If you get picked to be in the magazine, that might change. But for now, they want to see you fully clothed.

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In the Crisis Zone

I’m delighted to share that I’ll be a Participant at the Dart Center for Journalism and Trauma’s Reporting Safely in Crisis Zones Course for Freelance Journalists in New York City this fall. The Dart Center is an amazing organization, and this course looks incredible. I’m really looking forward to this experience.

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Etsy Banned Sex Toys, But It Can’t Ban Sex

This story was originally published on Forbes.com in August 2024.

Etsy, the e-commerce platform, prohibited the sale of sex toys as of July 29, 2024. In a June 27, 2024, public letter entitled “Strengthening Our Approach to Mature Content on Etsy,” Etsy Vice President of Trust and Safety Alice Wu announced the platform had updated its Adult Nudity and Sexual Content policy. The updates included limiting the sale of adult toys sold on the site, prohibiting realistic depictions of nudity, and imposing stricter criteria for listings featuring mature content. According to Etsy’s updated policy on adult content, pornography (including Playboy magazine) is prohibited, human models cannot expose their private parts (which includes their “gluteal clefts”), and the sale of sexual services and custom “content that sexualizes a specific body part” (“‘e.g. foot pics’”) are not allowed. Perhaps most impactfully, Etsy prohibited the sale of adult toys except for “non-insertable and non-penetrable adult toys and sexual accessories.”

For sellers who specialized in selling sex toys, the potential consequences were catastrophic. On X (formerly Twitter), Simply Elegant Glass, which sells, among other products, glass adult toys, lamented the decision in an open letter to Etsy. “It's hard to run a business oriented around adult products,” the thread noted. The “blanket ban” was “the lazy solution.” Now, they added, “Everything we've built on your platform will be completely nullified in 30 short days.” Free Speech Director of Public Policy Mike Stabile, wondered: “Do adults get to exist on the web or nah?” In Wu’s public letter, she asserted: “Our policies are designed to protect our global community, and maintain our position as the destination for truly special, creative goods.” But for Etsy sellers of adult toys and mature product who had long seen Etsy as a sex positive marketplace, the revised rules felt like a personal betrayal.

So, what does the new supposedly de-eroticized Etsy product landscape look like? With some sellers pivoting in how their more mature wares are sold, the platform’s products aren’t exactly wholly G-rated. A search for “sex toys” produced a plethora of listings for miniature “dong” adult toys for use in dollhouses ($4), a 7-inch carved obsidian “penis model” ($64.08), a black silicone head hood with a silicone vagina where the mouth would be ($337.69), a rainbow-colored Nicolas Cage “penis figurine” ($8), and a “Ceramic Dildo Sensual Sculpture” ($91.73). While Etsy had expressly prohibited “Materials produced by pornographic publishers (e.g. Playboy, Brazzers),” including “vintage adult magazines and films,” there were numerous Playboy magazines for sale on the platform. As for a search for “porn,” that yielded no listings at all. “We couldn't find any results for porn,” the productless-product page read. “Try searching for something else instead?”, it suggested helpfully.

Ironically, as a New York Times article, “Etsy vs. Sex,” pointed out, celebrities are having better luck hawking their erotic wares to consumers. On Gwyneth Paltrow’s goop platform, one can buy a double-sided wand vibrator ($95), a “TEACH ME A LESSON” ruler ($20), and a bottle of something called a “sex serum” ($24). According to a July 31, 2024, Etsy Inc. investor relations report, the company’s second-quarter consolidated net income was $53 million, which was down $8.9 million from last year. So far, it remains to be seen how the removal of the platform’s once copious adult and mature product listings will effect the bottom line.

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Books I Read in 2024: An Honest Woman

I really loved Charlotte Shane’s new memoir, An Honest Woman: A Memoir of Love and Sex Work. Beautifully written and poignantly rendered, it’s an evocative recounting of her life story; how she got into sex work; what she learned about men, sex, and herself along the way; and what it’s like to navigate that space and ultimately fall in love. It’s Pretty Woman without all the bullshit. I highly recommend it.

Books I Read in 2024: Victory Parade, I Hate Men, My Friend Dahmer, The Crying of Lot 49, Machines in the Head, Big Magic, The Valley, End of Active Service, An Honest Woman, The Money Shot, Atomic Habits, Finding Your Own North Star, Crazy Cock, Sigrid Rides, Your Money Or Your Life, The Big Sleep, Eventually Everything Connects

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How The Hardest Working Director In Porn Gets The Job Done

This story was originally published on Forbes.com in July 2024.

On a recent Saturday morning, the adult movie director Ricky Greenwood was busy overseeing the production of a big budget pornographic feature entitled Project X. A couple dozen crew members were buzzing around the office space that previously housed a biotechnology company. For now, most of the action was taking place in a hallway where a hospital gurney had been rolled into position. Soon, a sex scene starring veteran performers Mick Blue and Cherie DeVille would be shot.

These days, Greenwood is one of the most in-demand directors in the adult business. At 42, he has made, by his estimate, over 500 porn movies, among them Grinders (a skateboarding movie), Talk Derby to Me (a roller derby movie), and Machine Gunner (a war movie). Originally from Montreal, Quebec, he is tall, bearded, heavily tattooed, and speaks with a Québécois accent. His favorite movies include The Exorcist, Point Break, and High Fidelity. Among the directors he most admires is Michael Bay: “He’s doing commercial movies that are like a big cheeseburger.” Greenwood says this is not unlike what he does. “I know when I’m making porn, I’m making a sort of entertainment. I go with that and play with it. He’s that type of guy.”

Before he got into the adult business, Greenwood worked in television in Montreal. At a certain point, he took a job directing a porn movie. It wasn’t a positive experience. So he went back to television. A friend had a boss looking for a production manager in adult. So he gave it another try. This time, things went better. He moved to Los Angeles. He wrote and directed adult movies. He won some awards. The story for the movie he’s directing today came from its producer, Digital Playground. It’s about what happens when the government finds an alien ship that has crashed on earth. DeVille plays a biologist. When Blue arrives on set, the wardrobe supervisor hands him a white lab coat with a name tag that reads: “Dr. John Harding GENETICIST.”

Getting on the same page Prior to shooting the scene, DeVille, Blue, two talent liaisons, and Greenwood convene in a room. As a camera records, the group goes over a “Pre-Shoot Discussion & Boundary Checklist.” (The performers are given time to complete the consent checklist prior to the meeting.) Here, the actors identify what they are willing and not willing to do in the scene. DeVille takes the lead, noting her dos and don’ts among the 30-plus items listed in the “Sex Acts” column (said acts range from the vanilla—say, kissing—to the not-so vanilla—say, bondage). “The goal is to make the talent comfortable, to create a safe space for the talent and make them feel heard and respected by production,” Greenwood relates later.

Make it look good High production value is something of a Greenwood signature. Unlike the low-budget, lo-fi “gonzo porn” of yesteryear, his productions are saturated in deep colors, preoccupied with story, and look more like a movie produced by A24 than garden variety smut. “Real porn back in the day used to be cinematic, used to be a movie,” he recalls, nostalgic. “Now we want to go back to it: big production, big budget, something that is entertaining.” In the hallway, DeVille and Blue, clad in white lab coats, await the call for action. The lighting is tweaked. In a dimly-lit adjacent room, Greenwood takes a seat and strokes his beard thoughtfully as he surveys the video feeds from the three cameras displayed on the monitors.

Catching the sex “And, action,” Greenwood announces. The cameras move in and out, following the actors’ lead. There isn’t a lot of direction. When it comes to filming sex, this director takes a mostly hands-off approach, preferring to let things unfold organically. “I like to let them do what they want to do,” he shares. “I barely direct them for sex because I feel I want to have a more natural sex scene. I want to be a fly on the wall watching them. I don’t want to give them tricky angles and positions. I want us to witness and not have them working. If you create that safety zone, they will forget the camera. You will get those nice moments and scenes. If you direct them, it become like a job for them, and it become like a fake scene.”

Work against stereotype “As performers, we are like athletes,” Blue, who has pale blue eyes and an Austrian accent and is canonized in the AVN Hall of Fame, opined earlier when asked what it’s like working with Greenwood. “Not a lot of directors who haven’t performed understand that stuff. The better the director understand what we do, the better the outcome will be.” As Blue and DeVille do their thing on the gurney, Greenwood watches, his face bathed in the green glow of an EXIT sign. He’s good at his job, he says: “Because I care.” He knows that some people don’t respect what he does for a living. “‘It doesn’t matter, it’s just porn,’” he parrots the critics saying. But it matters to him. “We want it to be good. We want to make it interesting and different. If we give them a regular porn movie, what’s the point of doing it?”

Know your niche A little over an hour later, the first scene of the day is completed. “I love working with Ricky,” DeVille, an award-winning MILF performer who ran for president in the 2020 election, says in a bathroom afterwards. “I like being extremely organized,” she adds, something they have in common. Meanwhile, Greenwood is getting ready to film a dialogue scene with other actors. He’s busy, but thankful for the work. His friends who direct mainstream movies make a movie every five years. He makes nine or ten movies in a year. Still, there’s a stigma with which to contend. In Europe, “People see a porn director as any type of director. They see it as the same thing as a regular movie director.” In America, it’s taboo. To him, porn is “just another genre that people like and can watch.” That said, he believes public perception is changing—for some, at least. “The younger generation don’t see it so much as bad.”

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I Was 758

New York Times bestselling author Dani Shapiro interviewed me about my life story and my memoir, Data Baby: My Life in a Psychological Experiment, for her widely-listened-to Family Secrets podcast. The episode is entitled “I Was 758,” and it’s available on most podcast distributing platforms. Thank you to Dani for doing this intimate interview. You can buy Data Baby from the retailer of your choice here and read more about it here.

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