Meetings
There really is nothing quite like having a long lunch meeting at the Polo Lounge at The Beverly Hills Hotel.
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The Fixer Code
Logo by Chris Bishop
Subscribe to my new newsletter about my strategic communications consultancy, The Fixer: The Fixer Code.
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The Halfway Point
Yesterday I reached the halfway point in my novel, which is set in the San Fernando Valley’s adult movie industry. As seen here, with the book’s epigraph. Only the rest of the way left to go. Onward and upward.
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Fuck You, Pay Me #24: A New Book and Other Things
A pink curtain at an art gallery, Los Angeles, Calif., 2024 | Photo credit: Susannah Breslin
This is part 24 of Fuck You, Pay Me, an ongoing series of posts on writing, editing, and publishing.
July proved to be another busy month. Highlights include the announcement of my next book, an audition I’m doing for a well-known podcast, the latest from my newsletter, an upcoming public performance, and how my novel set in the San Fernando Valley’s adult movie industry is coming along. Let’s dive in, shall we?
The book
This month I was really delighted to share the news of my next book. It’s part of Bloomsbury’s 33 1/3 books series. If you’re not familiar with the beloved series, each book focuses on a single album. My book will focus on Dr. Dre’s The Chronic. I also wrote a bit about the process of pitching the book in my newsletter.
To be perfectly honest, when I proposed doing this book earlier this year, I didn’t think my proposal would be selected. Now that it has been, I’m really excited to be doing it. I spent a lot of time over the years listening to hip-hop so I hope I have something to add there, and I am a big fan of all things West Coast.
As I wrote in my book proposal:
“In the San Francisco Bay Area, I had come of age listening to hip-hop—from The Sugarhill Gang’s ‘Rapper’s Delight’ to Kurtis Blow’s ‘The Breaks,’ from Public Enemy’s ‘Bring the Noise’ to Gang Starr’s ‘Mass Appeal,’ from the Bay Area’s own Too $hort’s ‘Life is… Too Short’ to 2Pac’s ‘If My Homie Calls’—but this was something different.”
The audition
In other news, a couple months ago, I pitched a story to a popular podcast. The story had to do with one of the most extreme, out-there things I had seen as a journalist writing about the adult movie industry. While I had written about the subject in the past, I hadn’t told the full story of what I’d seen.
Once again, when I pitched this story, I wasn’t sure it would be picked. The subject matter is so beyond the pale, but this podcast has a history of doing stories that sit at the extreme end. When I got the email saying they were interested in a 10-minute audition of what the story might sound like, I went for it.
Actually, I really went down the rabbit hole. I re-researched everything I had created about this specific topic, reading stories, researching online, digging up old photos I’d taken that I hadn’t seen in several decades. I probably spend too much time feeling like my interests are too freaky for most people to be able to tolerate, but it felt validating to have someone else interested in hearing about it.
I’ll share what happens after I submit my audition.
The newsletter
This month over in my newsletter, I wrote about various things: my novel, my penchant for taking photos of people’s feet on adult movie sets, what a map of Porn Valley might look like. Over time I’ve learned with this newsletter to write about what interests me, and not worry about the rest. I read something someone wrote somewhere which is basically that newsletters are blog posts with an email function. That caused something for me to click. After all, I certainly know how to blog.
Upcoming subjects I’m thinking about writing about in my newsletter: an adult industry-related event taking place in L.A. soon, what happens when porn stars die, an idea I have for a group art gallery show that would pull back the curtain on the adult business.
Got a suggestion for what you’d like to read about in my newsletter? Email me here.
The stories
A few months ago, I started performing publicly again. First, I read an excerpt from a short story that I wrote that will be published in an online literary magazine later this fall at a bookstore in Echo Park. Next up, I read an essay I wrote about being a human lab rat at a basement bar in Atwater Village. This Sunday, I’ll be sharing a story about what I learned from hanging around adult movie sets as a journalist at Revealed at The Glendale Room.
I’m not sure why I’m doing these public storytelling experiments. So far I’ve learned my fiction is better read than read out loud, being entertaining is better than being boring, and I’m not sure I can tell a good story if I’m not reading something off a page. I guess I will find out! I tend to like to throw myself into new situations and see what happens. If I fail, no one will give a shit or remember.
Or so I like to think.
The novel
This morning, I finished writing the sixth chapter of my novel. I’m pretty proud of myself. Writing a novel isn’t easy. What a slog! What a test of endurance and will! I've reached the halfway point. There are only six chapters left.
Each chapter of this book takes place in a different city or community in the San Fernando Valley. The entire story takes place in a single day. The main character works in the adult movie business. Sometimes when I get stuck, I drive to the place where that chapter takes place. Inevitably, I get inspired.
What a joy and a pleasure and a gift to live in the Valley.
To quote Captain Willard in Apocalypse Now:
“When I was here, I wanted to be there. When I was there, all I could think of was getting back into the jungle. I'm here a week now. Waiting for a mission. Getting softer. Every minute I stay in this room, I get weaker. And every minute Charlie squats in the bush, he gets stronger. Each time I looked around, the walls moved in a little tighter.”
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What I'm Watching: "The Dog Days and Your Creative Juices"
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What I'm Watching: "The Discipline of D.E."
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Fuck You, Pay Me #23: When to Say Yes and When to Say No
This is part 23 of Fuck You, Pay Me, an ongoing series of posts on writing, editing, and publishing.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was June. Here are a few things on my radar.
Just Say No This month I found myself in the midst of negotiating a publishing contract. The money was so-so, but the real issue was the dramatic rights. If you’re not aware, dramatic rights have to do with who has the right to turn the property that you’ve written into a movie, television series, or the like. Statistically, the odds are slim that your written property will be turned into a movie, television series, or the like, but they’re not zero. You’ll see a range of guesstimates about how likely it is that your intellectually property will be optioned, but whatever the number is, it is surely less than 1%. That said, never say never, and these days, when content is everywhere, it’s important that you retain as many rights as you can. Let’s just say Netflix or Scorsese or some producer comes inquiring about turning your words into a movie or TV show or some other sort of project like that. Do you want to be the one who has to say, oh, yes, well, actually I gave that away for a pittance? No, you do not. In fact, when I was a younger writer, dramatic rights were not on the table, or at least not so often. Somewhere around, say, the 2010s, publishers began attempting to make a land grab for these rights, and certain writers, let’s say, millennials, gave them away because they just wanted to be published. Nowadays, every Tom, Dick, and Harry is trying to steal your dramatic rights. But if your project is optioned and turned into a movie or TV show, you may make more money with that than you ever did with the word-based version. So keep your dramatic rights. I ended up passing on their offer. Which is a bummer. For them, mostly.
Get Money Last month, I wrote about how a TV show had reached out to me about using some of my photographs as part of a set that they were creating for the third season of this show, which airs on one of the streaming networks. After some negotiation, we settled on a fee. A friend of mine had advised me that this network was sometimes slow in paying, so I had a clause added to the agreement that payment was due upon receipt. A couple weeks later, I was paid, but by that time the individuals who had worked with me were no longer working on the show. Which is to say, make sure you don’t just get getting paid in writing, make sure you get in writing when you will be paid, or you might end up chasing payment forever.
Be a Star Recently, I’ve gotten into telling stories in public forums. Last month, I read an excerpt from a short story I wrote at a bookstore. Last weekend, I read an essay adapted from my memoir at a basement club that hosts performances. Next week, I’m going to perform a story I wrote based on dating in Los Angeles at a bigger event. Why am I doing this? I’m not really sure. While I’ve been on TV many times, and read my work many times, and been part of an improv group, performing is a scary thing. But I thought it was important to keep pushing myself, trying new things, telling stories in new ways. Besides, this is Los Angeles. You never know who’ll be in the audience, where it might lead, how your story might land.
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Fuck You, Pay Me #22: May the Work Be With You
Pink-haired mannequin, Hollywood, Calif. | Photo credit: Susannah Breslin
This is part 22 of Fuck You, Pay Me, an ongoing series of posts on writing, editing, and publishing.
May was a busy month for me. Among other things, I published a short story I wrote 30 years ago for the first time online, I visited the grave site of one of my heroes, I checked out the freaks at an art gallery show, I saw a correlation between pornography and Cronenberg, I overshared in my newsletter, a TV show asked if they could use my photos, one of my photos was accepted to be in a group art show later this year, I was part of a variety show in a hipster enclave, I read a few books, and I worked on my novel.
REVISITING “THE APARTMENT” — I published a short story I wrote around 30 years ago, “The Apartment,” on my website. The story was first published in an anthology, Chick Lit 2: No Chick Vics, and is about a man and a woman and what it’s like when your entire relationship is built on secrets and passive-aggressive actions. Here’s an excerpt: “Her fingers were moving around and he could now see her in the hall through his own peephole and she was undoing her pants with her other hand.” I made the illustration by taking a photo of my own peephole, adding an eyeball in Instagram Stories, and taking a screen shot of that. Read it here.
GOODNIGHT, MR. LYNCH — I was heartbroken when David Lynch, who is one of my favorite directors, died in January. So much so that I didn’t visit the makeshift memorial at Bob’s Big Boy that was spontaneously created for him. When I learned that his cremains had been buried at Hollywood Forever, I decided to make the pilgrimage. I brought wonderfully fragrant lilies and a card that stated how much he and his work meant to me. In February, I started doing Transcendental Meditation through the David Lynch Foundation, which has changed my life. So his influence lives on.
FREAKS & FRIENDS — I like art, and one of my favorite galleries in Los Angeles is David Zwirner. This month, I checked out Cataclysm: The 1972 Diane Arbus Retrospective Revisited. The show was terrific. When I was a kid, I acquired a copy of the 1972 monograph, which includes the same images as in the Zwirner show. As a young person, I was dazzled by her work. The subjects were bizarre and freakish, too big and too exposed, doubles of one another or clearly troubled. I’m sure her eye shaped my own and what I understood a creative person could be: a fearless woman who considered those from whom others looked away. The show is up until June 21. Give it a look if you’re in town.
PULP | PORN — The other day I was re-watching Eastern Promises, which is one of my all-time favorite movies. In one shot, I noticed a striking similarity to the look of a young blonde curled on herself and on her side to the cover of Pulp’s This Is Hardcore. The former was released in 2007. The latter was released 1998. The first was Cronenberg’s vision. The second was Peter Saville’s and John Currin’s vision. To compare and contrast the two, I made a diptych of the images side by side. What do you think? Was Cronenberg influenced by Saville and Currin? Who knows. I’d love to know. If you know, let me know.
IT’S GIVING TMI — In my newsletter, I wrote about the time I visited the most exclusive sex club in the world and what that had to do with my mother. A snippet from my experience at the one-percent sex cub in a downtown Los Angeles penthouse: “I drifted between the rooms. In a bedroom I noticed the walls were covered in a type of luxurious fabric or leather. A three-way was entangled on the bed. A half-circle of onlookers stood around the threesome, ogling. I went to the window. The red, glowing neon sign on a nearby building promised JESUS SAVES.” Subscribe.
TV IS CALLING — Recently I got an email from a woman who was interested in using some of my photos in a television show. She wanted to see a certain number of them with a specific theme. I emailed those to her. After that, the show’s art director selected another grouping from those I’d sent. The photos will be used as part of a set on the show. Of course, I was paid for the use of my photos. I’ll share more when the next season airs.
NOT-A-PHOTOGRAPHER — Speaking of my photography, I saw online that a photographer I like was putting together a group art show. I sent her one of the photos from my ongoing L.A. Sex documentary photography project for consideration. She liked the image and will be including it in the show. I believe this is the first time one of my photos will be displayed and (hopefully) sold in this way, so I’m excited about that. I’ll have more information when the group show is announced.
READING IN HIGHLAND PARK — Have you heard of Space Stories? It’s a variety show at The Pop-Hop books co-op in Highland Park. I wanted to be involved, so I sent in a fictional short story I wrote (that will be published in an unrelated online magazine this fall). I was picked to be part of the show. I hadn’t read my fiction in public in awhile, but it was a lovely time, with an appreciative, engaged crowd. I wish Los Angeles had more literary events, as there’s a writerly population here that needs it. The next time you’re in Highland Park, visit The Pop-Hop. They do lots of neat stuff.
BOOK REVIEWS — This year I decided to only read books with pictures. This month I read seven books. One didn’t have pictures, but I made an exception because it was David Lynch’s Catching the Big Fish. The book is a collection of musings, reflections, and insights into the Lynchian process. One of the short vignettes is “The Box and The Key,” and the entirety of it is: “I don’t have a clue what those are.” If you don’t get the reference, you should watch Muholland Drive. More of my short book reviews: Books I Read.
A NOVEL IDEA — I’m writing a novel set in Porn Valley. The book takes place over the course of a single day. Its focus is a man who is involved in the adult movie business. This project is based on my nearly 30 years of writing about the porn industry. I guess you could say this novel is my Ulysses, or put another way the San Fernando Valley is my Yoknapatawpha County. The narrative winds its way through many of the diverse cities and communities within the Valley, from Burbank to Panorama City, Sherman Oaks to Tarzana, Chatsworth to [redacted]. I’m looking forward to sharing it.
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Take a Picture
Recently, someone reached out to me about using some of my photos in a TV show. I’ll post more about that when it’s available—if my work makes the final cut. For more of my photos, follow me on Instagram.
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Triptych (Money)
L: Adult movie audition, Canoga Park, CA, 2018
M: Strip club, Memphis, TN, 2017
R: Hotel room, Burbank, CA, 2021
All photographs by me. For more of my photographs, follow me on Instagram.
To inquire about purchasing or licensing my photographs, contact me here.
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I Get Email (Perfect in Romance)
Over a decade ago, I wrote about the hardest thing about being a male porn star for Forbes.com. Since then, I’ve received over 1,000 emails from aspiring woodsmen. This one claims he is “perfect in romance.” [More]
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What I'm Watching (Miniatures)
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Creative Consulting
I'm The Fixer, an experienced creative consultant. I help founders and CEOs, directors and authors, creative directors and artists tell their stories. My expertise is in strategy, development, and communications. My services include consulting on business strategy, developing film and television projects, and providing one-on-one executive coaching for business leaders. Learn more here and email me here to get started.
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Welcome to My Storefront
Have you checked out my storefront on Gumroad lately? You can hire me as a consultant; buy a signed copy of my memoir, Data Baby, My Life in a Psychological Experiment; or download a copy of a short story I wrote.
Fuck You, Pay Me #20: What I'm Doing These Days
This is part 20 of “Fuck You, Pay Me,” an ongoing series of posts on writing, editing, and publishing.
I’ve got various things going on since the beginning of the year. In 2025, I’m focusing on experimenting. This isn’t the same as strategizing. It’s more intuitive. It’s about trying things, and pivoting, and not overthinking. For me, this process involves work and play, nonfiction and fiction, writing and newslettering and more.
My Novel
So far, my novel-in-progress is 25% drafted. It’s set in the adult movie industry. The main character is a man. I’m really, really enjoying working on this project. It brings me a great deal of satisfaction, and there’s no editor telling me what to do or contract to which I’m beholden. This process is all about reconnecting with what I want to do as a writer: be funny, be creative, be bold.
My Nonfiction Book
I’m also working on a narrative nonfiction book about the porn business. In a way, this book is a project I’ve been working on for nearly 30 years. 2027 will mark three decades since I first set foot on an adult movie set. The story intertwines a first-person narrative, investigative journalism, and creative nonfiction. This is probably my most challenging undertaking, but it’s worth it.
My Short Story Collection
I’m also putting together a short story collection. These intertwined stories take place in the San Fernando Valley and focus on the lives and experiences of those who work in a myriad of sex-related businesses. This will be my second short story collection. My first was You’re a Bad Man, Aren’t You? Soon, a new short story I wrote that will be included in this collection will be published in an O.G. literary magazine and accompanied by a photo I took. So I’m looking forward to sharing that when it’s available.
Consultancy
My consultancy, The Fixer, is doing really well. I have some great clients, most of whom are in the VC / tech / entertainment spaces. As usual, all my clients are men and either CEOs / founders or otherwise C-suite executives. To work with me, contact me here.
Where I’m Applying
Recently, I applied for an investigative journalism fellowship; I’ll find out whether or not I was chosen in a couple months. I also applied for a writing residency; I think I’ll hear about that one in the spring, as well. Over the months to come, I’ll likely apply for other things, but that’s it so far.
Doing the Reverse Cowgirl
Since the start of the year, I’ve been concentrating more on my newsletter: The Reverse Cowgirl. This coming week I’ll be sharing an interview that I think will be a wild read for my readers. I’ve been trying out different formats for this newsletter: listicles, interviews, personal experiences. I’m not sure where the sweet spot is yet, in terms of format and frequency. Eventually, I will know.
Hobbies
I started coloring in adult coloring books, which sounds immature and regressive, but I’ve been enjoying it. I highly recommend this one featuring the art of Edward Gorey.
Exercise
I switched to a new Pilates studio. In addition to in-studio classes, this studio offers instructional videos you can do at home. This has been really helpful to my practice. My abs are strengthening.
Reading
Last year I read a bunch of books, and I didn’t like quite a few of them. This year I decided to only read books with pictures in them. I post short book reviews on my blog. All the books I’ve read this year and last year are here. To date, my favorite book from this year’s line up is Pierre Le-Tan’s A Few Collectors, which I described as “a wunderkammer of a book.”
The Porn Library
I’m still updating The Porn Library. An invaluable resource, for the prurient.
Comics
For the first time in maybe 20 years, two of my most famous erotic comics are available online. They are My, My American Bukkake and My, My American Bukkake Too. I intend to create a third installment for this bukkake comic series—My, My American Bukkake III—by the end of the year.
My Memoir
I sold the foreign rights to my memoir, Data Baby: My Life in a Psychological Experiment—to a foreign country. It’ll be translated into that country’s language. I’ll share that information when it’s public.
Art Club
I went to a nude figure drawing class. That was a cool experience. I still can’t draw, though.
Porn Star Book Signing
I also went to a porn star book signing. It was a scene.
My Photographer Friends
One of the highlights of the year so far is being able to publish photographs taken by cool photographers, some of whom are my friends, in my newsletter: Clayton Cubitt, Dina Litovsky, Steve Diet Goedde, Nikola Tamindzic, Alejandra Guerrero, and Dave Naz, to name a few. I pay $100 for the one-time use of the photo; all rights remain with the photographer. Know someone who’s interested? HMU.
Transcendental Meditation
I started doing transcendental meditation. I learned through the David Lynch Foundation. This is proving to be an incredible, invaluable tool. I’ll probably write more about it when I’ve been doing it longer.
Bang That Gavel
I participated in an art house auction for the first time—through Bonhams—and it was a really cool experience. I won a pair of delightful watercolors by a really amazing person. If you dig around in my Instagram Stories Highlights, you can read something I wrote about the experience.
Eat This
My current food obsession in L.A. is The Cheese Store of Beverly Hills. The sandwiches are the best, and the La Zucca is to die for. I strongly recommend getting it with fried Mortadella if you’re a meat person.
The Blue Glow
My favorite series on TV right now is The White Lotus Season 3, obviously.
My Pics
As usual, I’m taking lots of pics. Follow me on Instagram.
Anyway, that’s it for now. Contact me here. Work with me here.
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Fuck You, Pay Me #18: 2024 Year in Review
This is part 18 of “Fuck You, Pay Me,” an ongoing series of posts on writing, editing, and publishing.
For the final Fuck You, Pay Me of 2024, I thought I’d round up some highlights from this year’s FYPM posts.
From Fuck You, Pay Me #17: How to Write a Short Story:
“And so it went. Some days I wrote a single 100-word paragraph. Some days I wrote several. At one point, I didn’t work on the story for several weeks. Eventually, though, I got back to it. I started falling in love with my main character, who I thought was hilarious. The premise amused me to no end, what this guy living this relatively normal life would do when he found himself encountering something rather remarkable. I envisioned the house. The yard. The wife. Her departure. How he came to discover that a porn movie was being shot in the house behind his. What his personal history in relationship to porn was. How he justified his curiosity, and what he found when he got there. I was Stewart, and Stewart was me.”
From Fuck You, Pay Me #16: An Excerpt From My Memoir:
“As I understood it, my life in a psychological experiment began on the day I was born. At 1:38 a.m., on April 10, 1968, I was delivered in the maternity ward of an Oakland, California, hospital. According to my mother, I was a hideous baby. Instead of having two distinct eyebrows, my eyebrows met in the middle to form one long horizontal brow, otherwise known as a mono-brow, which, while flattering on the Mexican painter Frida Kahlo or the basketball player Anthony Davis, was unsettling on a newborn. Due to a severe case of jaundice, my skin and the whites of my eyes were a curious shade of yellow, giving me a radioactive glow. And my skull was grossly misshapen, the result of the compression my cranium had undergone as I journeyed down my mother’s vaginal canal. Unsure what to do (as if there was anything to be done) or say (as if there was anything to say) about my unfortunate countenance, the obstetrician cut the umbilical cord and thrust me in the direction of my mother.”
From Fuck You, Pay Me #15: Why You Should Have a Newsletter:
“As someone who has been writing forever, I’ve had a lot of editors over the years. Some are great and have improved my writing. Some are so-so and don’t have much of an impact. Some are terrible and shouldn’t be allowed to edit their own shopping lists. With my newsletter, I have no editor. No gatekeeper who gets to green flag or red flag what I want to write about. No person meddling with my prose. No point-of-view I have to take into consideration when trying to decide if I should or shouldn’t write about something of interest to me. If you’re a weak or inexperienced writer, not having an editor may be a downside, but for me, it’s all good when the editor is not only not in my head but doesn’t exist.”
From Fuck You, Pay Me #14: Cranking the Flywheel:
“What am I working on these days? A good question. When you’re a writer, you tend to have a lot of pots on the stove. Here are a few things I’m doing, may be doing, am going to be doing, should be doing, want to be doing. The point is to generate momentum and get the proverbial word-based flywheel turning.”
From Fuck You, Pay Me #13: How to Be a Consultant:
“When I got divorced, I took my consulting savvy with me. Almost immediately, I started doing consulting work. I only work with a retainer, because that’s the best way to form a relationship with a client. Years ago a former boss of mine compared me to a Swiss Army Knife, which was a way of saying I did a lot of things. This is true for consulting. I advise on branding, communications, social media, PR, marketing, and strategy. Oftentimes, my role is prophylactic. That is, I am advising the client to not do something that wouldn’t be to their advantage. At other times, I help them shape their image. Most of my clients come through word of mouth. I have a reputation for being good at crisis communications. I like the proximity to power, to big-number deals, to real movers and shakers. I have learned how general counsels think; what makes millionaires, multi-millionaires, and billionaires tick; that if you get exposed to enough high-level operators you will find yourself referring to companies with $3 billion valuations as ‘small.’ My clients are almost exclusively men. As a consultant, I am an invisible member of the big boy’s club.”
From Fuck You, Pay Me #12: The Fine Art of Applying to Writing Residencies:
“To be honest, at the beginning I didn’t do a lot of research on what I was ‘supposed’ to do while applying because I kind of wanted to just figure out for myself. Over time, I did think more and do more research about what does and doesn’t work when applying for a writing residency. The big realization I had which is super obvious but wasn’t at the time was that as the writer applying for the thing you hope to get, you’re very me focused. Is my writing sample good enough? Is my bio impressive enough? Will these people think I suck as a writer and / or human being? Why am I doing this? But at some point I read something written by someone who, you know, reviews these types of applications, and I saw it more from their end. In a way, it’s a lot like applying for a job. It’s not just your skills or your resume, it’s also about whether or not you’re a fit — for their cohort, or their ideology, or their brand. So I tried to be a bit more me and a bit less saying what I thought they wanted me to say. Instead of trying to be perfect and impressive, I tried to show that I was creative and inventive and curious. You are going to be around other writers; I mean, they want to know who you are. Not just how you write.”
From Fuck You, Pay Me #11: How to Be More Creative:
“How long did it take me to write each approximately 150 to 250 micro-fiction? Not long. I’m pretty sure it was maybe 15 minutes at the most. I mean, it was probably more like 10 minutes maximum. I wrote the story directly on the webpage I had dedicated to the project. I drafted it straight through without stopping or thinking. Then I published it. After that, I went back into the CMS and lightly revised the story, not really changing it so much as cleaning it up. If the story wasn’t perfect or not up to some standard in my head, oh, well! It was done. Finally, I added a photo to accompany the story (each story is paired with one of my photographs). Mission accomplished. With every story, I was one step closer to my goal. This uncensoring-the-self aspect of the project was the most important component and the most additive to what I was doing at the same time: working on my novel. I wasn’t so much exercising my fiction muscle, I was starting to realize, as I was shutting off the critical part of my brain and giving the creative part of my brain room to run around and kick up its heels and get a little wild. Stories 11 through 20 are about an avatar, a robot, a cougar (I was watching the second season of ‘MILF Manor,’ which is totally insane, and which apparently deeply affected me or at least gave me a rabbit hole to go down), that cougar’s cub, that cougar’s cub’s ex-girlfriend, that cougar’s cub’s ex-girlfriend’s father, that cougar cub’s ex-girlfriend’s mother, that cougar’s son, a vagina, and a penis. Here is a line that I like from #19: The Vagina (After Frank Kafka’s ‘The Metamorphosis’): ‘One morning, when the unidentified woman who may or may not have been a writer of stories about sex woke from troubled dreams, she found herself transformed in her bed into a vagina.’”
From Fuck You, Pay Me #10: The Pornification of My Life:
“I’ve spent a long time waffling around this subject matter. Let’s face it; it’s a little weird for a woman to write about sex and porn, to do it for so long, to be so seemingly obsessed with it. It’s a little embarrassing, a little dirty, a little wrong. Or is it? Well, on the one hand, sometimes I encounter people who think just that. But on the other hand, then I’ll remind myself that three of the most visited websites in the world are porn sites, and those numbers testify to the fact that there is a significant interest in it.”
From Fuck You, Pay Me #9: How to Promote Your Book Without Going Crazy:
“That same month, my memoir was selected to be the December pick for actress Emma Roberts’ Belletrist book club. This opportunity came through my agent at CAA, who is amazing. Belletrist is a celebrity book club, they promote your book throughout the month, and they have you do various things on their platform, like create a video of your personal library and write about your favorite literary things for their newsletter and also do an Instagram Live interview. It was such a cool experience. I got the chance to connect with readers who had spent a lot of their developing years online and since my book is about, among other things, not having a private life, it was very relatable for them. By this point in the promoting one’s own book process, I was getting a bit more in the flow of things, and I had reached a certain point of resetting the bar, which is to say not everything you do to promote your book may be up to your perfectionist standards, but at least you are out there doing it, dammit.”
From Fuck You, Pay Me #8: Some of My Favorite Things I've Ever Written (Fiction Edition):
“Of course, there were freaks of nature that worked the adult business like sideshow acts, men preternaturally gifted with eye-popping appendages who had carved out a niche for themselves by starring in movies with titles that trumpeted their larger-than-life anatomies, but those guys were outliers.”
From Fuck You, Pay Me #7: Some of My Favorite Things I've Ever Written (Journalism Edition):
“Because if you're going to talk about how far we've come when it comes to porn, if you're going to posit Paul ‘Max Hardcore’ Little as the latest victim of the Bush administration, if you're going to lament one more strike against your First Amendment rights, you should bear witness as to what a porn star drenched in vomit looks like.”
From Fuck You, Pay Me #6: Letters From Johns Revisited:
“In August of 2013, as The Letters Project was winding down, I published an essay about the project: ‘You Were My Studs.’ I wrote about how the whole project had started with a shot in the dark: I had put out a call on my blog, asking readers why they had paid for sex. Within a few hours, I had my first answer: ‘The Night I Drove a Call Girl to Her Next Stop’; it begins: ‘I am writing because I can’t tell this story to anyone I know and retain my dignity, but since your soliciting I figured I can get it off my chest.’ There were more letters to come. As I wrote in my essay: ‘Over the following year, I heard from over 50 johns. Their letters came at all hours of the day and night. They were from young guys and old guys, white guys and black guys, military grunts and corporate drones. The letters were poignant, exhilarated, nostalgic, terrifying, revelatory. They were all confessions.”
From Fuck you, Pay Me #5: 19 Ways to Make Money as a Writer:
“As I have written on this blog, I got paid $100 an hour pretending to be the personality of Pepto-Bismol on social media. This was a fun job. Sometimes I wish that I could do it again. According to my notes: ‘social media engagement [increased] by 500% and market share [grew] by 11%’ during the time period in which I was pretending to be Pepto.”
From Fuck You, Pay Me #4: Why I Hate Memoirs (but Wrote One Anyway):
“My general feeling about memoirs is that I do not like them. The memoirs of which I am thinking are written by women for women, are not concerned with the world at large but with the world of the interior (as if women have nothing to say about the world and must relegate themselves to writing about their interiors), are books of feelings that occupy a literary pink ghetto created by the publishing business that limits women to a silo of what is acceptable to write about and does so in order to mass produce books, regardless of what these books do or do not say or how they say it.”
From Fuck You, Pay Me #3: Scenes From My Life Writing a Porn Novel:
“Last year, I went to an estate sale at a Hollywood art gallery. Some of what was being sold was vintage adult movie posters. I bought a poster for a porn movie called ‘She Did It Her Way.’ In case you can’t read between the lines, I did not feel while writing a memoir while under contract to a major publisher that I was doing it my way, so in a way the writing of this novel is an effort to go back to what I used to do, which is to write what I want to write how I want to write it, not write what I think someone else wants me to write because that is what I feel I am contractually obligated to do. This novel is all about doing it my way. The other way is bullshit.”
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Books I Read in 2024: Smutcutter
Smutcutter: How I Survived Porn, by longtime adult movie editor Sonny Malone, is the X-rated equivalent of Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle or Eric Schlosser’s Fast Food Nation. Malone takes readers on a wild ride behind the scenes of the ups and downs of the porn business. It’s not a pretty picture to find out how the smut sausage gets made, but Malone brings to life the heady, addictive nature of being a porn insider.
Books I Read in 2024: Victory Parade, I Hate Men, My Friend Dahmer, The Crying of Lot 49, Machines in the Head, Big Magic, The Valley, End of Active Service, An Honest Woman, The Money Shot, Atomic Habits, Finding Your Own North Star, Crazy Cock, Sigrid Rides, Your Money Or Your Life, The Big Sleep, Eventually Everything Connects, Smutcutter, Shine Shine Shine, A Serial Killer’s Daughter, Confessions of a Serial Killer
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A Very Long Question
I like Noah Kalina’s “Hotline” show, and recently I called in to ask a very long question about work and life.
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Working With Me
I’m tired of hearing from CEOs/founders wanting to discuss opportunities for working together. You can book me for an hour here, and my monthly retainer packages start in the low five figures. I don’t have time to talk with you for free. If I said yes to everyone, I’d be talking all the time to non-clients, instead of my clients.
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No, I Will Not Give You a Topless Haircut
Some years ago, I posted here and on Instagram about some vans parked around Burbank with signage on the side advertising a TOPLESS HAIRDRESSER. Ever since then, “topless hairdresser” is one of the more popular search terms that brings people to this site. In any case, in response to the above message that I received recently, no, I will not give you a topless haircut. Sorry to break hearts for topless haircut fans.
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