On Twitter, I offered up an entrepreneurial question. Hypothetically, were I to open a strip club where all the dancers were 50+, what would I call it? The contenders were COUGARS, OLD MAIDS, and THE GOLDEN BEAVER. To little surprise, the winner is: THE GOLDEN BEAVER. In theory, all dancers would keep 100% of their earnings, the house moms would also be financial advisors, and Jennifer Lopez would be the headliner. Think I’m kidding? Given that MILF is the #4 most-searched-for term on Pornhub, this model was built to scale.
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I have been searching for my true passion and I still havent gotten anywhere. I'm trying out rapping right now. I want to know how you found yourself or figured out who you are? Im so lost just looking for the light at the end. I'm living for now just not as good as I can be.
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After 14 rejections and years of submissions, “Spike,” a short story I wrote about a male porn star with a penis problem, found a home with Bending Genres. You can read it online here. The moral of the story — my story, that is, not the fiction story — is never quit.
Tripp Towers, male porn star, sat on the bench, his penis in his hand. It was late afternoon, and his dick had been hard since that morning, when he’d injected it with the drug so he could get it up and get through the performance that he was about to do in the next room.
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“No artist knows in his own lifetime whether what he does will be the slightest good, because it takes at least seventy-five to a hundred years before the thing begins to sort itself out.”
— Francis Bacon
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12 Likes, 0 Comments - Susannah Breslin (@susannahbreslin) on Instagram: "🎬"
I have terrible posture.
I get why that guy I went on a date with implied I had a drug problem because I do sniff a lot, but that is due to a minor nasal issue, not a cocaine issue.
I am incredibly tall!
I talk like a robot.
I say “um” too much.
I’m hilarious!
I was thinner then.
Those pants are awfully tight.
I didn’t realize those boots looked like that.
I have a big butt, but I don’t know that that’s a problem. Or is it?
[Image from my Instagram feed]
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17 Likes, 0 Comments - Susannah Breslin (@susannahbreslin) on Instagram: "🕶"
One of the biggest changes in Los Angeles in the last 20 years is the traffic. The Los Angeles River may be mostly dry, but the streets and freeways are filled with a never-ending stream of vehicles. It takes an hour to get anywhere of any significance, and the old ways you used to sneak around the most clogged arteries have been discovered by everyone’s digital guidance systems. There is one benefit, though. Stuck in traffic, you can see the city and wonder at its sights. The glass buildings reflecting stories-high palm trees planted in an artful line before them. The skeletons of rooftop signs in Hollywood celebrating some bygone era of glamor and luster you totally missed. The monstrous old-school mansions hunkered down behind 15-foot hedges so the luxurious lives of their inhabitants stay forever private. It’s beautiful, isn’t it? The city through a car window.
[Image via my Instagram feed]
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7 Likes, 0 Comments - Susannah Breslin (@susannahbreslin) on Instagram: "💅🏻"
I went to Trashy Lingerie for the first time in a long time today. I thought they might still have my membership card on file, but they didn’t, so I filled out a new one. Inside, it was mostly the same: a lot of lingerie. A woman there was ordering something custom for someone. There was everything from metal studded cup-less leather bras to costumes for sexy jail babes. I took a look around and then left. Soon, I’ll go back in and buy something.
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This title sequence for “The New Pope” is fantastic.
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12 Likes, 1 Comments - Susannah Breslin (@susannahbreslin) on Instagram: "Burbank ✨"
Finally got around to seeing “Call Me By Your Name.” Don’t know why it took me so long, since “I Am Love” is one of my favorite movies. Having seen “A Bigger Splash,” I’ve now completed seeing Luca Guadagnino’s “Desire” trilogy. The movie is gorgeous and superbly acted. Timothee Chalamet is a wonder, and Armie Hammer, well, he just looks great. It’s a beautiful interrogation of desire, love, and heartbreak.
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Celebrities I’ve seen since moving back to LA
Pete Townshend
Rachel Dratch
Tobey Maguire
Halsey
Riz Ahmed
Jodie Foster
Mick Fleetwood
John Cho
Stassi Schroeder
Michael Yo
Gerard Butler
Marilu Henner
Ken Todd
Stephanie Allynne
Domhnall Gleeson
Alexis Ren
Noah Centineo
Paula Newsome
Oliver Hudson
Celebrities I haven’t seen since moving back to LA
Brad Pitt
George Clooney
Idris Elba
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5 Likes, 0 Comments - Susannah Breslin (@susannahbreslin) on Instagram: "🚙"
Earlier today, I pulled over to the side of the road to take a photograph. A van drove up close behind me, then swerved around while the driver glared at me. The driver parked the van at the gas station next to where I’d parked. He got out of the car, holding a stack of what looked like newspapers. Then he walked toward me. Then he stopped. Then he opened what appeared to be the door of a newspaper vending machine and stuffed what looked like newspapers inside. I got out of my car and headed for the place that I wanted to photograph. Then I took a photograph. Then I circled back. The man had been holding a stack of adult newspapers, and he’d inserted them into an adult newspaper vending machine. I opened the door of the vending machine and took out one of the newspapers. (It was free.) Then I got back in my car and drove home. Then I sat down and read the adult newspaper. There was an ad in it titled “INTERCOURSE CALIFORNIA.” It was from someone in search of an investor to invest in a “Startup Porno Co.” They wanted “35K and up.” They said it would take “6 months to 1 year 4return.” I didn’t invest my money. I closed the adult newspaper.
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15 Likes, 0 Comments - Susannah Breslin (@susannahbreslin) on Instagram: "51"
I realized looking back over 2019’s photos that I hadn’t taken a lot of selfies, so one of my goals in 2020 is to take more of those. I mostly post them on Instagram, and they don’t always include my head.
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If you haven’t yet read Kashmir Hill’s frightening peek into the monetization of facial recognition, do: “The Secretive Company That Might End Privacy as We Know It.” What if there was nowhere in the world you could hide?
“‘It’s creepy what they’re doing, but there will be many more of these companies. There is no monopoly on math,’ said Al Gidari, a privacy professor at Stanford Law School. ‘Absent a very strong federal privacy law, we’re all screwed.’”
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0 Likes, 0 Comments - Susannah Breslin (@susannahbreslin) on Instagram: "Be your puppy 🐶"
Had a great time walking around West Hollywood today and visiting a very cool store that I’ll be writing about soon. This dog training hood retails for $425. Perfect for the canine-minded fetishist in your life.
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