The Rules Do Not Apply to Writing Memoirs

20 Likes, 1 Comments - Susannah Breslin (@susannahbreslin) on Instagram: "Didn't bother to buy it. Read it in the bookstore. It's that thin -- literally and metaphorically. πŸ“•"

I never really decided to read Ariel Levy's The Rules Do Not Apply: A Memoir. It just sort of happened. In fact, I never bought the book. I visited a bookstore twice and both times picked up a copy of it (a different one each time, I'm pretty sure) and sat in a chair and read it. For some reason, I read the second half first. Then I left. Then however many days after that, I returned, not really intending to read the rest of it, but thinking maybe I would, and then I read the first half. The book is built around a famous and terrifying essay that Levy wrote for The New Yorker in which she has a miscarriage in a foreign country: "Thanksgiving in Mongolia." I was floored when I read that in 2013. How could she get so raw? I marveled. It was like entering an emotional abattoir. But the problem is that the book feels like she got a book deal based on that essay, and then she sort of padded the book around it. The book is thin. I mean it's 224 pages, but it feels thin. It feels sort of hurried and rushed and manufactured. Maybe it was or maybe it wasn't. I wasn't really a fan of Levy's first book, Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture, which was pretty much just a collection of essays, and was also sort of politically opposed to everything I was thinking at the time of its publication. She sort of paints women as dumb marks, but I suppose that is her opinion. In any case, her Rules book is about her unconventional upbringing, and her marriage, and her miscarriage, and how life can be happy, and life can be sad. Frankly, it sort of feels like "book contract fulfilled." I don't know why. She sort of speeds through life at a high rate, and maybe she doesn't want to think about the deep, dark things, and maybe that's OK if you want to write a magazine article, but maybe a book demands more. Or maybe her rules are the ones that apply.

Just Eat It

Carl's Jr. is giving up boobs and butts for burgers and buns! What is the world coming to?

From my latest at Forbes:

In an interview with USA Today, Andrew Puzder, the former CEO of CKE Restaurants Holdings, which owns Carl's Jr. and Hardee's, who withdrew his name from consideration for U.S. Labor Secretary in the Trump administration, took a je ne regrette rien stance on the old, oversexed way of hawking Carl's Jr. burgers, stating: "We don't have anything to be ashamed of."

In Praise of Florida

33 Likes, 1 Comments - Susannah Breslin (@susannahbreslin) on Instagram: "🌊"

It's a shame more novels haven't been written about Florida. I mean, there have been, some. But maybe not so much. Instead, the gun-shaped state gets relegated to FLORIDA MAN jokes, alligator attack tales, and horror stories about its systemic abuses and exploitations. It misses praise for its geographical diversity, its colorfulness on a blank slate, and the way the water looks when it's just straight up still and there are dolphins diving through it in the distance.  

Me and Dennis Prager

On yesterday's episode of "The Dennis Prager Show," Prager spent the entire show discussing my Forbes post on Wonder Woman's armpit hair

It looks like you can only hear it now if you're a subscriber, but maybe you are.

"In an opinion piece in Forbes, a writer complains that Wonder Woman doesn’t shave her arm pits. Are women demeaning themselves by making themselves more attractive to men?"

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How to Write a LinkedIn Profile That Makes You Sound Like a Human Being

I did some work on my LinkedIn profile lately, as I'm seeking new career opportunities, and it was an interesting experience. It's part rethinking oneself, part rethinking how others see you, and part rethinking how you put yourself out there. I did some research while doing it, as well.

Here's what I learned.

Make it you

In the past, my LinkedIn profile hasn't felt much like me. It was robotic, or overly business-like, or cursory. I learned a lot about writing a LinkedIn profile that sounds as if it belongs to a human by reading Jenny Foss at The Muse. She has all kinds of really smart ideas about career strategy, and how to think of yourself as you move forward in the interviewing process, and how to brand yourself in a way that's both interesting and authentic. That laid the groundwork.

Keep it simple, stupid

This is the important acronym: Keep It Simple, Stupid -- or KISS. I had a conversation the other day with a scripted reality TV producer I've worked with, and he reminded me that the bottom line thing we're all doing here is telling stories. I've done a lot of different things: journalism, blogging, editing, digital outreach, copywriting, and producing scripted reality TV. What do all those things have in common? I'm a storyteller. So I led with that.

Grab their attention

Of course, you've got to stand out from the pack. So I started my summary with an interesting anecdote from my personal history: I was a human lab rat. From the time I was a toddler until I was in my thirties, I was a participant in a famous longitudinal study of human development. Not that many people can say that, so I began with that, and I tied it into my career. 

In any case, you can read my LinkedIn summary below, and you can connect with me on LinkedIn here. I'm actively looking for full-time or part-time work (particularly the former) in the word business, and if you have a lead, or if you know someone that I should talk to, I'd love to hear from you

Photo by Clayton Cubitt

Susannah Breslin

Award-winning journalist, blogger, and editor. | A "rare commodity online." | I tell stories.

 University of California, Berkeley

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I'm a human lab rat. When I was a toddler, I became a participant in a legendary 30-year longitudinal study of human development that set out to answer one simple question: How do we become who we are? 

That experience played a part in why I've spent the last decade figuring out the answer to another question: Why do people do what they do online? I'm fascinated by what inspires people to click and engage digitally. 

I help companies tell stories. I've done it as a journalist, a blogger, an editor, a copywriter, and a scripted reality television producer. It all comes down to storytelling -- and understanding what truly moves people.

I work with the world's biggest brands to grow their digital properties. I wrote an article on Forbes.com that has nearly 2M views. I was the voice of Pepto-Bismol on Facebook, increasing that brand's social engagement by 500% as market share rose 11%. I helped Time Warner build a digital vertical for millennial women, using my network of digital influencers to turn a startup into a destination site with 4M unique visitors and 22M page views a month. 

What's your story? If your brand needs a hand, you can contact me at susannahbreslin@gmail.com.

The Return of Christy Mack

War Machine was convicted today in the trial of his assault of Christy Mack. 

Maybe you're old enough to remember the "Twinkie defense"? 

This guy offered up the "Raging Bull" defense:

"The defense attorney characterized Koppenhaver as a 'raging bull' with brain injuries from his fighting career and emotions inflamed by the use of steroids and non-prescription stimulant and antidepressant drugs that combined could have caused mood swings and violence that Leiderman termed 'roid rage.'"

Quitters Never Win

Dear Susannah, 

Thank you for sending us "[Redacted]." This is an interesting topic, but the piece is missing the connection to a bigger picture idea, the reflection or takeaway that would make it a [redacted] story. 

Best of luck with this, and I hope you’ll pitch us again in the future. To receive future calls for pitches, sign up here: [redacted].
Sincerely, 
[redacted]

If at First You Don't Succeed, Try Again, and Fail Again

The MacDowell Colony

Dear Susannah,    

We regret that we are not able to offer you a residency during this coming Summer 2017 period.  Your work was appreciated by the admissions panel members, but the number of excellent applications has grown as has the competition for residencies.

We hope that this news will not discourage you from applying to the Colony again after two years’ time.

In the meantime, we send you our best wishes.

Sincerely,

[redacted]

Executive Director