The latest episode of “High Maintenance” on HBO has a terrific story line involving an intimacy coordinator and how she navigates coordinating intimacy in her personal life when she encounters someone with unique intimacy needs. Instead of being played for laughs, it’s a lovely depiction of the ballet of romantic seduction.
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i want to become pornstar...... and I'm ready to sell my body for money [redacted] is my number please contact me
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Image via Mercedes-Benz
I never read car reviews unless I’m shopping for one, with one exception: If it’s written by the WSJ’s Dan Neil. He’s fantastic. The Pete Wells of petrol. His latest is a playful homage / send up of the 2020 Mercedes-AMG G 63. You know, the G-Wagen. Here’s one great line: “The G 63 is a flaming beacon of vice, a rolling, trolling lighthouse of petrosexuality.” Here’s another: “Soon after, the G-Wagen became an action-film cliché, typecast globally as embodying nihilism and up-armored criminality.” Terrific stuff. A really great critic celebrates something as he defenestrates it, analyses the thing as he mocks the critical task itself. Want the wagon? It starts at $156,450.
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What if every memory you ever had ended up in a file in your head? Would you be a cathedral? Or a filing cabinet? A great scene from “Doctor Sleep.”
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Image via Vogue
I’m opening a strip club 💅🏻 but all the dancers 💃🏻 are 50+. What do I call it?
— Susannah Breslin (@susannahbreslin) February 8, 2020
On Twitter, I offered up an entrepreneurial question. Hypothetically, were I to open a strip club where all the dancers were 50+, what would I call it? The contenders were COUGARS, OLD MAIDS, and THE GOLDEN BEAVER. To little surprise, the winner is: THE GOLDEN BEAVER. In theory, all dancers would keep 100% of their earnings, the house moms would also be financial advisors, and Jennifer Lopez would be the headliner. Think I’m kidding? Given that MILF is the #4 most-searched-for term on Pornhub, this model was built to scale.
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I have been searching for my true passion and I still havent gotten anywhere. I'm trying out rapping right now. I want to know how you found yourself or figured out who you are? Im so lost just looking for the light at the end. I'm living for now just not as good as I can be.
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Image via WOBH
After 14 rejections and years of submissions, “Spike,” a short story I wrote about a male porn star with a penis problem, found a home with Bending Genres. You can read it online here. The moral of the story — my story, that is, not the fiction story — is never quit.
Tripp Towers, male porn star, sat on the bench, his penis in his hand. It was late afternoon, and his dick had been hard since that morning, when he’d injected it with the drug so he could get it up and get through the performance that he was about to do in the next room.
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Me every morning mumbling to myself over coffee ☕️ pic.twitter.com/Q8lvvqJ6eU
— Susannah Breslin (@susannahbreslin) February 5, 2020
— Francis Bacon
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12 Likes, 0 Comments - Susannah Breslin (@susannahbreslin) on Instagram: "🎬"
I have terrible posture.
I get why that guy I went on a date with implied I had a drug problem because I do sniff a lot, but that is due to a minor nasal issue, not a cocaine issue.
I am incredibly tall!
I talk like a robot.
I say “um” too much.
I’m hilarious!
I was thinner then.
Those pants are awfully tight.
I didn’t realize those boots looked like that.
I have a big butt, but I don’t know that that’s a problem. Or is it?
[Image from my Instagram feed]
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I thought that was tampon removal emoji https://t.co/Q5yCVzsCnX
— Susannah Breslin (@susannahbreslin) January 31, 2020
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17 Likes, 0 Comments - Susannah Breslin (@susannahbreslin) on Instagram: "🕶"
One of the biggest changes in Los Angeles in the last 20 years is the traffic. The Los Angeles River may be mostly dry, but the streets and freeways are filled with a never-ending stream of vehicles. It takes an hour to get anywhere of any significance, and the old ways you used to sneak around the most clogged arteries have been discovered by everyone’s digital guidance systems. There is one benefit, though. Stuck in traffic, you can see the city and wonder at its sights. The glass buildings reflecting stories-high palm trees planted in an artful line before them. The skeletons of rooftop signs in Hollywood celebrating some bygone era of glamor and luster you totally missed. The monstrous old-school mansions hunkered down behind 15-foot hedges so the luxurious lives of their inhabitants stay forever private. It’s beautiful, isn’t it? The city through a car window.
[Image via my Instagram feed]
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7 Likes, 0 Comments - Susannah Breslin (@susannahbreslin) on Instagram: "💅🏻"
I went to Trashy Lingerie for the first time in a long time today. I thought they might still have my membership card on file, but they didn’t, so I filled out a new one. Inside, it was mostly the same: a lot of lingerie. A woman there was ordering something custom for someone. There was everything from metal studded cup-less leather bras to costumes for sexy jail babes. I took a look around and then left. Soon, I’ll go back in and buy something.
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12 Likes, 1 Comments - Susannah Breslin (@susannahbreslin) on Instagram: "Burbank ✨"
Burbank, California, from my Instagram feed.
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Finally got around to seeing “Call Me By Your Name.” Don’t know why it took me so long, since “I Am Love” is one of my favorite movies. Having seen “A Bigger Splash,” I’ve now completed seeing Luca Guadagnino’s “Desire” trilogy. The movie is gorgeous and superbly acted. Timothee Chalamet is a wonder, and Armie Hammer, well, he just looks great. It’s a beautiful interrogation of desire, love, and heartbreak.
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Celebrities I’ve seen since moving back to LA
Pete Townshend
Rachel Dratch
Tobey Maguire
Halsey
Riz Ahmed
Jodie Foster
Mick Fleetwood
John Cho
Stassi Schroeder
Michael Yo
Gerard Butler
Marilu Henner
Ken Todd
Stephanie Allynne
Domhnall Gleeson
Alexis Ren
Noah Centineo
Paula Newsome
Oliver Hudson
Celebrities I haven’t seen since moving back to LA
Brad Pitt
George Clooney
Idris Elba
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