Waves
Watch “Waves.” It’s atmospheric af and beautifully shot in Southeast Florida.
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Photojournalist Barbie
Did you know Mattel makes a photojournalist Barbie? You can buy her on Amazon for $12.
She comes with a lion cub, a camera, and a National Geographic. She’s dressed for the “field wearing brown pants, tan boots and a top detailed with a vest, insignia and pocket for a realistic touch.”
She has over 300 reviews and five stars. But there’s one catch. From the reviews: “Only thing that kept it from a 5-star review was that I expected the legs to bend but they do not. Straight arms straight legs.”
Must be hard to take those shots without bending your arms and legs, Barbie.
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Lovecraft Country
If you’re not watching “Lovecraft Country,” you really should be. It’s brilliant.
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Scream
A recent shot from my Instagram featuring a mannequin and the mountains.
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On Newslettering
In April, I launched my first newsletter. (Read it here. Subscribe here.) Since it’s been a few months, and I've been enjoying the process, I thought I’d share what I’ve learned about newslettering thus far.
It’s fun
Like blogging in the early days, when the medium hadn’t been co-opted by corporations, blogging felt like a radical act. Newsletters feel that way now. In this space, there aren’t a ton of supposed-to’s, and the energy is a bit more wild, wild west. That’s inspiring and refreshing.
It’s easy
I use Substack as a platform for my newsletter, and it really couldn’t be easier. If you’re thinking about doing a newsletter, I recommend Substack. It’s easy to post, it’s easy to see your stats, and it’s easy to deliver to your audience. Also, it’s not in a silo. Depending on how your settings are set, your newsletter can also appear online for non-subscribers to read, in addition to arriving in your subscribers’ email in-boxes.
It’s pivotable
If you decide you want to change how you’re newslettering, you can do so relatively easily. At first, my Substack domain had my name in it, which wasn’t a very good idea, because my name is too hard to spell. Then I changed it to Valleywood, which is a compound word that combines the San Fernando Valley, where I live, and Hollywood, which is the predominant LA culture. Maybe I should’ve named it The Reverse Cowgirl, or maybe that would have sent it into people’s spam folders. Who knows. Also, initially, I was writing them more like essays. Then I started writing them like listicles. I like the latter format better.
It’s slow to grow
At least for me, my newsletter audience has been pretty slow to grow. I’m approaching 200 non-paying subscribers. My click-through rate, which is how many people open the newsletter to read it, is pretty high: around 64%. Judging by the feedback I’ve gotten, on social media and in emails, people are enjoying it. Here’s one review: “One of the most intelligent and entertaining newsletter you will ever read!”
It’s cheap
There’s no overhead to do my newsletter, except for the time that I put into it. I don’t think I have the reach yet to go paid. But one day, I may. Or perhaps it will always be free. We’ll just have to wait and see.
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Turn and Burn
Photo by me
My latest newsletter is out. This week’s edition features job interviews, adult diapers, and a literary pilgrimage.
An excerpt:
Before the world changed, I went into an adult store in West Hollywood, and I started talking to the guy behind the counter. We had a conversation about a high-tech chastity belt device for men that I was thinking about writing about. At a certain point during the conversation, he pulled up his shirt and pointed out that he was wearing an adult diaper.
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We Are Who We Are
As a fan of director Luca Guadagnino, I was thrilled to see that he has an upcoming miniseries for HBO: “We Are Who We Are.” According to Deadline: the series “is a coming of age story about two American teenagers who, along with their military and civilian parents, are living on an American military base in Italy.” See also: “I Am Love,” “A Bigger Splash,” and “Call Me By Your Name.”
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The Beauty of Ultraviolence
For HILOBROW, I wrote an appreciation of “A Clockwork Orange.”
An excerpt:
“In 2020, writing an appreciation of A Clockwork Orange seems like a near transgressive act. Despite its moralistic underpinnings, the 1971 film by Stanley Kubrick is a visual celebration of the worst that humanity can conjure.”
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It's Better in Burbank
One of my photos of Burbank was featured on the City of Burbank’s official Instagram page. The caption: “Our tree-line streets and friendly neighbors are just a couple reasons why Burbank’s neighborhoods are so beautiful.” The post, which was part of a slideshow, is part of their #FeelGoodFriday series.
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The Latest Newsletter
Image by me
Check out my latest newsletter. Subscribe here. It touches on the rise of the SuperCunt, the future of Furiosa, and my latest adventures in online dating.
An excerpt:
“This week, my role model is Christine on ‘Selling Sunset.’ She’s the SuperC*nt Los Angeles real estate agent that the feminist movement wrought. She looks like Barbie, but she operates like a Blackwater mercenary.”
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The Interview Process
Currently, I’m interviewing for three different roles at three different companies. These are all roles that I applied to on LinkedIn, a platform I’ve previously bashed as being worthless. (Guess I was wrong.) All the roles are at tech companies. All the roles have six-figure salaries. For two of the roles, I’m on the second round of interviews. The roles involve content, strategy, branding, editorial, and / or marketing. It’s unclear what the outcome will be, but I’ll update here.
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The Successes List
Image via Tart
A month or so ago, I stopped writing to-do lists and started writing successes lists. Instead of writing a list of what I was supposed to do, I started doing the things that I knew I needed to do, and then, as I completed them throughout the day, I wrote a successes list. Everything and anything that was positive and or productive went on the successes list, from doing Pilates to finishing a draft to creating a blog post. I found this to be a helpful trick that converted the day’s “musts” into the day’s “mission accomplisheds.”
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You're Thinking of Ending Things
Behold the trailer for Charlie Kaufman’s “I’m Thinking of Ending Things.” Amazing.
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Single
A photo from my Instagram feed. Taken on Hollywood Boulevard. 2002 or so.
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The Burning World
Image by me
My latest newsletter is live. Read it here. Subscribe here. In this week’s edition, I traipse through a legendary cemetery, reveal the billions of unique visitors adult tube sites get, and explore my mannequin fetish.
An excerpt:
“It feels like going to Las Vegas, but not leaving the house, and instead of trying to win money, you’re trying to win a man. So you keep pulling the lever. And the little icons keep swirling by. So far you haven’t hit it big. What’s one more pull?”
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WAP
“WAP” featuring Cardi B, Megan Thee Stallion, and Kylie Jenner. The video is lit.
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Sweatpants Nation
A brilliant cover. The New York Times Magazine. Hard pants are the enemy of good.
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Black & White
Love the architecture in Burbank. This is a dingbat, isn’t it? From my Instagram.
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The Fake Tweet
Check out this fascinating app. It creates a fake tweet based on your writing style. Mine is: “The helm at the nation’s ennui through energy and lived the soul aquarium.” Very cool!
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10 Things
My latest Valleywood newsletter is hot off the presses, featuring “10 Things.” Those things include a handbag made out of a blowup doll, a cock that had a spiritual experience, and the adult industry’s hot mess approach to the coronavirus pandemic. Oh, and there’s a writing tip, too, from someone who’s been doing it long enough to know (me). Subscribe!
An excerpt:
4. This morning, I saw the famous wild parrots of Burbank. In total, I spotted maybe a dozen in two different areas. They are brilliant green and noisy as hell. They made me feel like anything was possible if I could figure out how to fly.
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