Yesterday I reached the halfway point in my novel, which is set in the San Fernando Valley’s adult movie industry. As seen here, with the book’s epigraph. Only the rest of the way left to go. Onward and upward.
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A pink curtain at an art gallery, Los Angeles, Calif., 2024 | Photo credit: Susannah Breslin
This is part 24 of Fuck You, Pay Me, an ongoing series of posts on writing, editing, and publishing.
July proved to be another busy month. Highlights include the announcement of my next book, an audition I’m doing for a well-known podcast, the latest from my newsletter, an upcoming public performance, and how my novel set in the San Fernando Valley’s adult movie industry is coming along. Let’s dive in, shall we?
The book
This month I was really delighted to share the news of my next book. It’s part of Bloomsbury’s 33 1/3 books series. If you’re not familiar with the beloved series, each book focuses on a single album. My book will focus on Dr. Dre’s The Chronic. I also wrote a bit about the process of pitching the book in my newsletter.
To be perfectly honest, when I proposed doing this book earlier this year, I didn’t think my proposal would be selected. Now that it has been, I’m really excited to be doing it. I spent a lot of time over the years listening to hip-hop so I hope I have something to add there, and I am a big fan of all things West Coast.
As I wrote in my book proposal:
“In the San Francisco Bay Area, I had come of age listening to hip-hop—from The Sugarhill Gang’s ‘Rapper’s Delight’ to Kurtis Blow’s ‘The Breaks,’ from Public Enemy’s ‘Bring the Noise’ to Gang Starr’s ‘Mass Appeal,’ from the Bay Area’s own Too $hort’s ‘Life is… Too Short’ to 2Pac’s ‘If My Homie Calls’—but this was something different.”
The audition
In other news, a couple months ago, I pitched a story to a popular podcast. The story had to do with one of the most extreme, out-there things I had seen as a journalist writing about the adult movie industry. While I had written about the subject in the past, I hadn’t told the full story of what I’d seen.
Once again, when I pitched this story, I wasn’t sure it would be picked. The subject matter is so beyond the pale, but this podcast has a history of doing stories that sit at the extreme end. When I got the email saying they were interested in a 10-minute audition of what the story might sound like, I went for it.
Actually, I really went down the rabbit hole. I re-researched everything I had created about this specific topic, reading stories, researching online, digging up old photos I’d taken that I hadn’t seen in several decades. I probably spend too much time feeling like my interests are too freaky for most people to be able to tolerate, but it felt validating to have someone else interested in hearing about it.
I’ll share what happens after I submit my audition.
The newsletter
This month over in my newsletter, I wrote about various things: my novel, my penchant for taking photos of people’s feet on adult movie sets, what a map of Porn Valley might look like. Over time I’ve learned with this newsletter to write about what interests me, and not worry about the rest. I read something someone wrote somewhere which is basically that newsletters are blog posts with an email function. That caused something for me to click. After all, I certainly know how to blog.
Upcoming subjects I’m thinking about writing about in my newsletter: an adult industry-related event taking place in L.A. soon, what happens when porn stars die, an idea I have for a group art gallery show that would pull back the curtain on the adult business.
Got a suggestion for what you’d like to read about in my newsletter? Email me here.
The stories
A few months ago, I started performing publicly again. First, I read an excerpt from a short story that I wrote that will be published in an online literary magazine later this fall at a bookstore in Echo Park. Next up, I read an essay I wrote about being a human lab rat at a basement bar in Atwater Village. This Sunday, I’ll be sharing a story about what I learned from hanging around adult movie sets as a journalist at Revealed at The Glendale Room.
I’m not sure why I’m doing these public storytelling experiments. So far I’ve learned my fiction is better read than read out loud, being entertaining is better than being boring, and I’m not sure I can tell a good story if I’m not reading something off a page. I guess I will find out! I tend to like to throw myself into new situations and see what happens. If I fail, no one will give a shit or remember.
Or so I like to think.
The novel
This morning, I finished writing the sixth chapter of my novel. I’m pretty proud of myself. Writing a novel isn’t easy. What a slog! What a test of endurance and will! I've reached the halfway point. There are only six chapters left.
Each chapter of this book takes place in a different city or community in the San Fernando Valley. The entire story takes place in a single day. The main character works in the adult movie business. Sometimes when I get stuck, I drive to the place where that chapter takes place. Inevitably, I get inspired.
What a joy and a pleasure and a gift to live in the Valley.
To quote Captain Willard in Apocalypse Now:
“When I was here, I wanted to be there. When I was there, all I could think of was getting back into the jungle. I'm here a week now. Waiting for a mission. Getting softer. Every minute I stay in this room, I get weaker. And every minute Charlie squats in the bush, he gets stronger. Each time I looked around, the walls moved in a little tighter.”
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Adult actors film a scene, Los Angeles, Calif., 2001 | Photo credit: Susannah Breslin
In my latest newsletter, I try and understand why I take so many photos of feet. Subscribe to get it every week.
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I can’t remember the first time I encountered Barbara Nitke’s American Ecstasy series, but it was a very long time ago. And more recently when I realized I’d never owned the book version, I wasn’t sure why. Then I remembered that I was sick when it was published. So, finally, I ordered it. And this book just dazzles. During my career, I have spent quite a bit of time on adult movie sets as a journalist, and I have never encountered a woman who had a similar experience, which is captured in this magnificent volume. In her own words, the words of the performers and crew, and her dazzling photos, she brings to life the often hidden adult business, what it’s like to insert yourself into its making, and what we can learn when we take the time to look at and listen to a part of capitalist production that due to its preoccupation with erotic fantasy is often misunderstood and frequently vilified. I read and pored over this book at a glacial pace because I didn’t want it to end. This is better than Larry Sultan’s The Valley. This is the real thing.
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Recently I’ve been tracking down print copies of my older work and posting the stories online. The latest is the October/November issue of Nerve magazine. You may remember Nerve.com. For a spell, they published a print magazine. This short piece focuses on one of the most extreme things I saw in the adult industry.
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Photo City, Studio City, Calif., 2025 | Photo credit: Susannah Breslin
Photo City, in Studio City, California, is a great place to get passport photos (if you’re me) and film developed.
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Awhile back I pitched a story to a podcast. It would involve talking about one of the most out-there, extreme things I ever witnessed as a journalist on adult movie sets (and there were a lot!). The production team requested that I create an audio audition of what the story might sound like. That prompted me to revisit everything I had created that was about that out-there thing: photos, art, writing. I also viewed the adult movies that were created on those sets, which I found on adult streaming sites. During this research process, I re-read “They Shoot Porn Stars, Don’t They?”, which I wrote in 2009 and is about the Great Recession’s impact on the adult industry. I had always felt that I hadn’t gotten the ending right, but when I read it this time, I thought I did. In fact, I think it captures what’s at the heart of my writing on the adult industry: the relationship between fantasy and reality and what happens when you insert yourself into the tension between the two. In any case, I’ll post more thoughts on this audition process down the line. For now, that’s it.
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Adult actress, North Hollywood, Calif., 2000 | Photo credit: Susannah Breslin
An adult movie actress poses on a North Hollywood set, 2001. For more of my photos, follow me on Instagram.
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Adult actress with script, Los Angeles, Calif., 2017 | Photo credit: Susannah Breslin
An adult actress reads her script before shooting her scene. For more of my photos, follow me on Instagram.
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Moord in Rotterdam is not for the faint of heart. It compiles crime scene photos taken by the Rotterdam police between 1905 and 1967. The cover features a woman who un-alived herself. She appears to be napping. Her lookalike doll is at her side. Is it creepy, beautiful, tragic? The scene is in the eye of the beholder. Flipping through the pages of homicides, suicides, and crimes of passion, one is struck by the grand artistry of it all. I don’t know whether to credit the Rotterdam police for their photography skills or chalk it up to fantastic editing of a gruesome body of work. A great pick for fans of Joel-Peter Witkin and Wisconsin Death Trip.
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I made this triptych the other day of various Playboy-related things I own for my most recent newsletter, which details my time on Playboy TV. There’s a vintage Playboy mirror, a few magazines, and a branded basketball.
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E. M. Carroll’s A Guest in the House is a tricky book to review because about 90% of it is terrific. It’s a dark, weird, gloomy story about what happens when you marry a man who seems normal and it turns out he may have murdered the wife before you. One of the most exciting things about the book is how it occasionally explodes out and across the page in moments of colorful surrealism. So, mostly, I really liked this book. But the ending left me baffled. It felt rushed, patchworked together, and I had to search the internet to try and understand it. Your experience may vary. But in general, this is a great work. She didn’t nail the ending.
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“My shtick was that I was the sarcastic one who covered the most deranged, out-there subjects.” Read my latest newsletter, which explores the five years I was on Playboy TV. Subscribe to get it in your inbox weekly.
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In my recent review of Desolation Jones: The Biohazard Edition, I mentioned that a character in the comic book series is based on me. Her name is Filthy Sanchez, and she’s a porn czar in Los Angeles. What you see here is a snippet of their interaction. She appears to be accompanied by her gimp. I think it’s hilarious.
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Thanks to John Wooden, who gave me my first editing job, for these nice words about my memoir, Data Baby. John has a new newsletter on Substack called EPOSTASY, where he rails against the all consuming “ebyss.”
You should subscribe to it.
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I’ve read Gay Talese’s “Frank Sinatra Has a Cold” several times, so when I saw Taschen had produced this oversized version with photos by Phil Stern, I had to have it. I really enjoyed re-reading Talese’s work this way, Stern’s photos, and the ephemera that includes Talese’s hand-drawn outline for the work. A good buy.
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